Light Reads: Supper Smash Bros Mishonh from God
by Burning Light and Crystal
Summary: Oh Nova. We haven't even started yet and my brain's ALREADY exploded. Time to start the review of the 'My Immortal' of Smash Bros. Rated T for Teen. DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the characters in this fic, nor (Happily) the fic itself. I do however, own my thoughts. And you can't take those from me.
1. Chapter 1

Light Reads: Supper Smash Bros Mishonh from God

**So…Yeah. I'm reading what is known to be the My Immortal of Smash Bros, and you all get to see my reaction. Because you people love reading torture. Help?**

**Oh, and a minor note, I'm turning off Autocorrect for this fic. Because I want you all to SEE WITH YOUR OWN EYES how horrible this fic is.**

**So, yeah, enjoy my torture.**

**(Okay…How do I turn off Autocorrect…?)**

Hi my name is Sara (not Palin unfortanetly) and im a 13 yearold girl who loves America and God and the Constantution **(Yeah. I guessed.)** so i librul soshalist who likes barrack obama than LEAVE NAO **(What?)** and go back too getting wefare for noting and trying to turn every1 into gay athists also I lik video games like supper smash bras **('Supper Smash Bras'? So, what, it's a game of Hulk bras that are eating supper?)** and otters even thou im a gril (my mom sad id turn a les if I play video game but I put pics of jaykob from twilit and juston beber in my room so idont) **(Oh God. This woman has NO idea of how EVIL JB is. I would almost pity her if not for the fact she wrote this monstrosity.)**.

CHAP 1: MISSON FORM GOD **(We haven't even started yet and my brain's ALREADY exploded.)**

I was in my seance **(Soo you were summoning the dead? Cool class.)** class one dat when my librul **(I think you mean 'Liberal', but it's hard to say.)** teacher mr jonson was talkin about evilusion.(Evil Illusions) **(Huh. Okay then.)**

"an tat is why humins came form monkees and their is no god" he said. **(Yep. Here we go.)**

I razed **(You WHAT? *One check of Percy Jackson later* Oh, you DESTROYED. Wait, what did you destroy?!)** my han.d **(I just KNOW we'll have fun reading this! *Sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm*)**

"yes Sara" he said. **(Is this a new guy talking or what?)**

"if humin came from monkees why r their still monks" **(Because there are people out there who become Buddhists! WHY IS THIS SO HARD TO COMPREHEND?!)**

my teacher had no anser for that so he give me a ditention and an f on my test. **(OH MY NOVA! THE NON-EXISTANT HORROR!)**

"hahaha!" he sad "you Christens wil be defeet on day! athests alreedy rule dis cuntry becuz of obama car and son all Christens will goto deaf panel **(…I didn't understand a WORD of that.)**

just then the door toteh science room opened and God walked in. he was waring a rob and had a bread like he allways does. **(YES BECAUSE THIS MAKES TOTAL SENSE. AND GOD APPARENTLY ALWAYS WEARS BREAD. OKAY.)**

"mr jonson ur gong too HELL!" **(Good, maybe he can escape this monstrosity of story before it achieves maximum stupidness.)**

"no cuz u arnt reel" mr jonson said. **(Um, he's standing right in front of you. I REALLY think he's real, buddy.)**

"lol ur a moran" God said and he stroked mr jonson with lighting and mr jonson ded. **(…God just called somebody a moron. THIS JUST HAPPENED.)**

"yay!" said all the Christens in the class. **(Well, good for them.)**

"boo!" said the Heatrans **(Oh my Nova OH my Nova OH MY NOVA there are pokémon in the class.)** so God stroked all them to. **(I'm just going to assume that my Shiny Female Heatran from Black 2 that took me FOREVER to catch since I only had Heal Balls was among them and go murder the author.)**

"ok now I nead too talk too Sara God said. "so everbuddy else leave." **(Everybody I know is a buddy!)**

"ok" my classmates left the room. **(Wasn't God standing in the way? PROOF ERROR, THIS FIC IS NO LONGER LOGICAL. Wait, it already wasn't when they mentioned the Heatrans. Or was it when they said the title? Either could work.)**

"Sara Osborne ive bean watching u for sum time," **(So now God's a stalker…Yep, perfect sense.)** he sad, "this world isnt the only on I mad." **(So, you were mad when you made our world? Well, I would be too, if I saw what we were doing.)**

"for real" I ask. **(Yes, for real. Haven't you heard of the Solar System, Sara?!)**

"yea do u no about video games." **(Please have made a Hyrule, please have made a Hyrule.)**

"yea I play them with my bro and Lauren" **(That's nice.)** (my bro is my brother and Lauren is my BFF forever and shes a PCC (Pretty Consertative Christen) like me to) **(Who cares! We don't!)**

"well they are real **(So wait, he made a Hyrule, Mushroom Kingdom, Mobius, Pokémon World ((Well, that explains the Heatrans.)), Dreamland AND Skyworld? EVEN BETTER!)** because when u play the nother unevirse I made" **(So whenever we die in a video game, we become murderers? Thanks for that mental image, God.)**

"cool God" I hi fived God. **(How could she reach his hand?)**

"ok but theres treble. **(Treble from the Mega Man series is there?! Oh my Nova, I want in!)** Satan found out about this and now hes in Nentendo **(WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED?!)** World. Only u **(Ahem, MARY SUE ALERT MARY SUE ALERT MARY SUE ALERT)** can stop him b4 he dose evil stuff their." **(Their what? THEIR WHAT?!)**

"oh no." **(OH NO FOR THE READERS INDEED, SINCE THEY HAVE TO ENDURE THIS TORTURE.)**

"right this is the hardest thing u ever done even harder than ur math test last month. God thing i'm God and I can give u cool powers and stuff."**(Yeah, I'd be mad if it WASN'T harder than a math test. Also, MARY SUE ALERT MARY SUE ALERT MARY SUE ALERT.)**

So God gave me some power and I fell to sleep. When I woke up I was outside of the Smosh Manshon! **(SMOSH MANSION?! OH MY NOVA SHE GETS TO MEET IAN AND ANTHONY?! BOO! FOR SHAME! SHE GETS TO WHILE SHE ISN'T EVEN A FAN OF SMOSH!)**

…**And that's the end of Chapter One. Just for the record, I had to listen to 'Reach for the Stars' and repeat just to get through this horror. Nova…This is only the beginning. It only gets worse. You know, I don't even care if anyone reads this. I'm just posting it with my commentary. BECAUSE I WANT YOU TO SUFFER AS I HAVE SUFFERED. -Light**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yep, time to continue. I've delayed me (FINALLY, FRIGGIN FINALLY) playing Sonic Generations 3DS to upload another chapter of stupidness.**

…**Let's just start before I rage quit.**

First of all whats a troll? **(Oh my Nova. This girl does not know ANYTHING about the Internet.)** I men I think I fot sum in a game b4 **(NOT THAT KIND OF TROLL YOU DUMMARD!)** but there not in my story so why did you mention them in the revew. **(…I stand corrected. This girl knows about the Internet, just NOT WHAT PEOPLE ACTUALLY DO ON IT!)** And whats a mary sue? And my mom and dad sad that I need to spred the truth of God's word on the intranet and speak out aganst the soshalists destroying America. **(…And you try and do this with a horrible story? FOR SHAME, PARENTS OF THE AUTHOR, FOR NOT CHECKING THEIR DAUGHTERS WORK BEFORE SHE UPLOADS IT AND RUINS HER DREAMS.)** Also I didnt updaty yesterday becuz my family thought that their woud be the raptor. **(The what?)** Lauren said their woudnt and she was rite so I gess that provs who smart she is. **(YEAH, SMART LIKE A POPTART.)**

CHAP 2: SARA MEATS CHARECTERS **(SARA'S A CANNIBAL?!)**

the smash mantian was a really big hose **(NOVA, NO MORE MENTAL IMAGES, PLEASE.)** with like a gatrillion romos an was alota stories tall I was inteminated **(What in the name of The Sacred Realm is a 'Romos'?)** by who big it was. Suddenly someon came. It was like a robot except a person was in it. **(Oh Nova. Don't you bring Sammie into this.)**

"hai their pretty gurl" the robot person said. **(I SAID DON'T BRING SAMUS ARAN INTO THIS AND MAKE HER A LESBIAN.)**

"u think im pretty" I saod. **(…Okay, now I'm just confused. She made her Mary Sue a lesbo?)**

"yea ur the hotist gurl ive ever sean." **(Who in the name of The Sacred Realm is Sean?)**

I thought it was Mister Chef from Hallo but it wasnt but I didnt no that so I cloded my eyes an mad out with robot person but when I open them its not Mastre Cheef but SAMAS ERIN! **(I SAID NO-Oh wait I thought you said Samus ARAN. My mistake, it's some random lady who's name is Samus ERIN.)**

"hahahhaha I triked u in too thikning I was a dud but im a girl" samas said. **(Thank Nova this isn't OUR Samus, or else I'd go on a murder spree starting with the author-Waittttt a minute…)**

"why do u do these! I liek guys nit girls ima Christen!" I shooted. **(WHY DID YOU-WHAT DID SAMUS EVER DO TO YOU?! ((Except come to your house to get revenge on making her a lesbo))?!)**

"BECAUSE IMA LESBAN!" Samas said "anf im a antithesis so I want u 2 goto hell for bein gay like me."** (She's a what? An 'Antithesis'? What in the name of The Sacred Realm-Oh, ATHENIST. On another note, STOP DOING THIS TORTURE ON SAMUS, TAKE PEACH INSTEAD!)**

than Samas tred too rap me **(I'm going to assume Samus spontaneously burst out rapping and no one can tell me otherwise.)** she took of my shirt (I had my bra under so I wasnt tipless) **(Is this what she thinks everyone does while they rap, or what?)** adn my shirt which had pantees under it so I still wasnt nakid. **(Didn't she JUST do that? Why did have to do it again? LOGIC ERROR LOGIC ERROR LOGIC ERROR.)**

"no help!" **(You DON'T want help? Well, okay, whatever.)** I screemed. Lucklily Link and Math and Icke wear **(DON'T YOU BRING LINKY INTO THIS. Math and Icke…Well I don't know who they are, so go ahead!)** nearbye so they git hoarses and ran up and came b4 iy was to late. **(Where in the name of Nova did they get the horses?)**

"stop been a gay librul Samas" Icke said. **(Still don't know who Icke is, or who this new person 'Samas' is either. And suddenly everyone religious and Link doesn't respect the Goddesses of Hyrule anymore? Welp, Farore isn't gonna be happy…)**

"yea wereman **(Wolf by day, man by night?)** and your a women so lissen to us" Link said. **(STOP MAKING LINK A SEXIST, NOVADAMMIT.)**

"but im a lesban so im a femanast and im not gonna lissen to u" Samas said. She taked of my shoes next. They were fancy hi-hells **(JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE LESBO DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE A FEMINIST. And I thought Hell was low, not high.)** from goosepy zanaty that cast my mom $2000. **(NOBODY CARES. GET ON WITH IT.)** butthan Marth grabed Samas with his hercule arms and through her in teh moot off the manshan** (MARTH, TWENTY MINUTES IN CRAZY HANDS DOMAIN. BAD BOY!)**

"r u ok" he asked. He kissed my hand romanticly.** (Unfortunately, she is, Marth. AND DAMMIT STOP MAKING CHARCTERS FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU MARY SUE ALERT MARY SUE ALERT MARY SUE ALERT.)**

"yea sorry I mad u do that" **(Okay, good just don't save her anymore guys. PROBLEM SOLVED.)**

"its ok Samas is a librul so she hadit cumin" March said. I looked into his eyes. He was like if the looks of Jaykob and Juston Beeber were combined with the genus of Sean Hanety and Ross Limbog. Expect he had blue hare. My hare was long and bland and really petty. ** (STOP. MAKING. THEM. FALL. IN. LOVE. WITH. YOU. NOVA.)**

"u hat libruls to" I asked. **(RUN MARTH, RUN.)**

"yea me and Link and Icke r all borne-agen Christens" Marth said. **(AND WITH THOSE WORDS THE TRIFORCE ON THE BACK OF LINK'S HAND FADED BECAUSE HE NO LONGER WAS HYLIAN. GREAT GOING SARA, NOW FARORE'S GONNA MURDER HIM. AND WHO KNOWS WHAT NAYRU AND DIN HAVE PLANNED.)**

"cool can I meat everyone els" I sad. (**YES YOU SHOULD BE SAD SINCE YOU WROTE THIS ABOMINATION.)**

"ok" so I climed on Marth's hoarse and rod too the manshan and went in side. In the manshan I met other Christens like Peach and Zelda and Ton Link and Pit and Nas and Luckas and Kerby and King Deedee and the Maryo bros (Mary and Lugia) **(MY NOVA IT'S FULL OF POKEMON! And Mario got genderbent…Okay?) **and Sonec and Sold Snape, **(OH NOVA I NOW KNOW WHY SONIC '006 SUCKED SO MUCH. THIS LADY SENT IN THE SCRIPT AND THAT WAS WHAT WAS DECIPHERED. THEN THEY ADDED IN BLAZE BECAUSE IT SUCKED SO MUCH AND THEY THOUGHT BLAZE WOULD MAKE IT BETTER, BUT IT ONLY IMPROVED THE GAME SLIGHTLY. THIS MAKES TOTAL SENSE.)** who was Marth's father **(THEY DON'T EVEN EXIST IN THE SAME GAME WORLD YOU IDIOT.)**(I dont think he was Marths father ibn the gam but wouldnt it be cool if he was) and Clod Strafe **(Cloud Strife? From Final Fantasy? WHAT IN THE NAME OF NOVA?!)** and the real Master Chef (those 2 werent in smash bros for some resin but there in this). **(MASTER CHIEF TOO?! STOP THIS RIGHT NOW.)** But their were also libruls like Bowser and Ganandorf and Waro and Donky Khan **(DK IS KHAN?! OH NO!)** and Diddy and Metal Nite **(NOT METTIE! YOU'VE OFFICIALLY CROSSED THE LINE, MISSY.)** and Picachoo and Pacman Tranner and the other Pacmans and Wolf and Fux Mcledo and Falcon and Captan Falco **(Wrong Captain, lady.)** (who was Samas boyfrend b4 they both turd gay from a govermint vaksine) **(Wait. I need to process this. Samus in this fic is lesbo, but she's dating Captain Falcon? LESBIANS AND GAYS DATE THOSE OF THE SAME GENDER, LADY. GET YOUR FACTS STRAIGHT. ALSO, GAYNESS DOES NOT COME FROM A NEEDLE. IT'S THE PERSONS OWN DECISION.)**. I new I had my work cut out for me. **(SO DO I.)**

…**And of course, I have to read this ALL. Thanks a lot, people. -Light**


	3. Chapter 3

**Whyyyy can't I stopppp. I must want this to be over with as quickly as possible.**

**So, yeah. Let's start.**

Stop atecking my storey! God will juge u when u dye and if u insult Christens tehn he will send u too Hell!** (No, because if God ever saw this, he'd scream.)** And thanks 2 the people who said nice things. I no u will goto Haven. **(Just because you post good reviews doesn't mean you'll go to Heaven, lady.)** Also I no that Samas is a lesbain becuas when I firts playted I only saw her in amour soi thought she was a hot guy but then I usde her finale smash and fond out she was a gurl.** (…HOW IN THE NAME OF THE SCARED REALM DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?! JUST BECAUSE SHE WEARS ARMOR DOESN'T MEAN SAMMIE'S LESBO!)** I had to star at my pics off justan beber and jayncob 4 even longer then I usuely do wen Lauren comes over 2 kep me strait. **(Looking at pictures of Justin will only make you MORE gay, lady. Trust me. I was starting to doubt that when I first saw the guy ((Thankfully, I got better. Thanks Linky!)).)**

CHAP 3: HE FINALLE SMASH **('Finale'? DOES THIS MEAN IT'S OVER?! YAY!)**

the next day I was in my first mach of my carer. It was Me and Zelda fitting Bowzer and Falcor. We were the rad tem becuase were consercativs and they wear the blu tem becuas they wer libruls. **(HOW does this make sense?)** I was waerinmg a pretty red dress that everone expect the libruls complamented me on. **(YOU'RE ONLY FIGHTING. YOU DON'T NEED A NOVADAMN DRESS.)** Boozer **(…*Snicker* Bowser's on drugs.)** keeped breathing firs at us an Falco shat lazors form his gum. Zelda turne dinto Shrek **(WHAT. ZELLY'S SHREK?! OH MY NOVA!)** and throw needs at Boozer and hit hem wiht a chan. Son bowsar was defet. Ten Falcor git a smash bell and sumoed a gina tank call a lendmaster and shat Zelda so she flyed of and loosed. I thout I was domed butthen I herd Gods vois. **(Oh boy. This can ONLY be good. *Sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm*)**

"Sara! Remamber the powerz I give u at scool." I used on of the powers that God gav me and I insanely had my finale smash. **(Well if you used a Final Smash then WHERE THE JAYDES DID YOU GET THE SMASH BALL?!)** I actived it and it cussed me to turn into an angle. **(The idea of a Smash Ball swearing at Sara…It kind of makes me feel a little better. Also, SHE TURNED INTO A FISHING LINE?! WHAT GOOD WILL THAT DO?!)** I used my holly powers to stroke down the lendmaster and defete Falco. **(LOGIC ERROR. YOU CANNOT DEFEAT A FINAL SMASH. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE. ESPECIALLY WITH HOLLY POWERS, WHATEVER THEY ARE.)**

"this gams winer: rad tema" the narater said. **(…PLEASE tell me that Master Hand didn't mean Red Team.)**

When I laft **(You laughed at what?)** the fit Mart hwas waiting for me. **(OH NO! NOT MATH! Oh no wait she said Mart. Sorry, Martha!)**

"OMG! that was amazon! I nerver seen someone us a finale smash withotu a smash ball b4!" he said. **(BECAUSE IT ISN'T NOVADAMN POSSIBLE. SIMPLE AS THAT. And now apparently Sara's an Amazon. Okay?)**

"Its because of the powers God gave me." **(No, it's because YOU'RE A MARY SUE, AND THEY CAN ALWAYS DO STUFF LIKE THAT.)**

"Cool. Now me and my dad are fitting Samas and Wario."** (HE IS NOT YOUR DAD!)**

Greet! Ill wach" I said.

So tghe **(…I'm guessing that's 'The')** next fit began and Marth and Snake are the red team and Samas and Warop were ther blue team. Samas saw I was washing so she tred to deduce me with her lucius lips and huge beasts but I was strate so it didnt work **(HATE. IF ANYONE SHOULD BE DOING THAT, IT SHOULD BE CAPTAIN FALCON OR SNAKE. AND SHE SHOULD ONLY BE DOING THAT FOR PITTO AND PITTO ONLY!)** and Mark hit her with his sord while she was distrected and his dad threw gonads at her. She got blowed up and lots a stack. **(…Who's Mark?)**

"Samas! Get ur had in the game! Present brock obana wode want us to kill all Christens," Waryo said.** (…How the Jaydes is Barack Obama not religious? And suddenly he's evil. Bye IQ, I'll miss you!)**

"Rite" Samas said. She ataked Marth and Snake. **(…Okay, I looked it up. We have about THIRTY TWO CHAPTERS to go…I'm not going to get out of this with my sanity, am I?)**

Son everybuddy only had on stack left. **(That's nice.)** Wart rain tords Snack and het him with a motosicle. He flowed off and explode. **(Wart's suddenly joined the battle? I thought he was just a dream, or something.)**

"Father! NO!" Matt said. He ran at Waryo with is sore. **(HE IS NOT YOUR FATHER, NOVADAMMIT.)**

"Ate hem!" Samasa sad.** (…Uhh, Sammie, I don't think eating people is good for your health.)**

"I cant im a librul vogon now so ican only eat vegetas." Waryo said. So Waryo was lose. It was a on-and-on fit betwine Samas and Marth.**(He can only eat Vegetas? Wasn't Vegeta a guy from Dragonball Z?)**

"give it up Samas u no libruls cant won." **(SHUT. UP. NOVA.)**

"never! BY THE POWAR OF LORD SANTA I SHALL BANESH U TOO SUBSPAS WORLD!" **(SANTA? WHERE?! HE OWES ME TWENTY BUCKS!)**

then a porthole openend an sucked. Math into subspas. The fite was over. The libruls had won.** (So we're supposed to cheer for the Liberals? Okay.)**

"wat did u do 2 my sun!" Snake said wen the match was over and marth didnt come back. **(HE IS NOT YOUR FRIGGIN SON! IF HE WAS THAT MEANS YOU'RE A KING, WHICH MAKES NO SENSE WHATSOEVER!)**

"Ill never tell!" Samas said. She blowed me a kiss (witch I dogged) and waked away. **(Well, you kinda screamed out that you were sending him to Subspace, Sammie. Kinda defeats the purpose of secret keeping.)**

I was worred when Marth didnt come back. He still wasnt back for the tee party relay so I went with Clod Strafe insted. When I went to sleeped at nite I preyed for marth. Then I lacked the widows and doors so Samas couldnt rap me wile I sleeped.** (Yes, because you could probably hear in your sleep if Samus started rapping again.)**

That nite I had horble nitmars that Math was farced too have gay sax with Satin and Bark Obameh. It was the scurrest thin ever. **(Just a note, I had to add that final period. Yeah. In other news, WE DON'T CARE.)**

**Ughhh, I need more songs on repeat for this. -Light**


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay, so I got a little carried away with playing Sonic Generations (I'm at the Final Boss with all the Chaos Emeralds!). BUT I'm back to reading this horror for your entertainment, so everything's okay.**

…**Yeah. Let's just start.**

Mary CHRISmes Eev everbuddy! **(Why did you have the need to point that out?)** I hop the pepole who sad gopd thins abot my storey get what they want and the pepool who said bed thins donut **(Yes, and I hope you die in a fire.)**. Hopfully ican finish anutter chaptar 2morow but its CRISmos (NOT HAPY HOLDAYS LIBRULS) **(AND HORRIBLE HOLIDAY TO YOU TOO.)** and I hav stuf with my famaly and then ill spend the knight at Laurens hose**(Does this woman live in a hose and assumes all people do this too?)** were well chang in2 are new close 4 each otter (I cant wate. Im shur shell be riley pritty).**(YEAH. I'M SURE SHE'LL BE AS PRETTY AS A NOVADAMN TRUBBISH.)**

CHAP 4: THE SERCH 4 MATRH **(Oh my Nova, THIS GOT WORSE OVERNIGHT!)**

the next day all off the Christens in the Manshon were locking for maerth. He was still not back from were Samas put him. I preyed and preyed that we woud found him but he was nowere near the manshon. I new I had to confont Samas about were Marth was but I new she woud try 2 rap me agen** (WHY DO YOU HATE RAPPING?!)** if I came along so I bringed Clod and Sonec and Maryo with me. Samas wasin bad with 4 womens and they were kissing and dong it to each otter. **(I NEED A BLOWTORCH AND A BIBLE TO RESCUE SONIC FROM THIS HORROR, STAT.)**

"discussing!" **(I THOUGHT THEY WERE HAVING A FOURSOME, NOT DISCUSSING POLITICS.)** Maryo vomated.

"stop it Samas!" Sonec said. **(OH NOVA I'M COMING SONIC!)**

"girls sholdnt do that 2 otter girls!" Clod said.** (THEY CAN IF THEY WANT TO.)**

"Sara! U must jonus and be gay!" Samas and the otter lesbamns said. **(…Correct me if I'm wrong, but does that mean one of the Jonas brothers are in there with them?)**

"No! Im ten trillian percant strait!" I shatted. **(…WHAT?)**

"ok then well gagrap u into been gay!" Samas and the other lesbans got outta bad. **(It was the inevitable. SAMUS FORMED A RAP GROUP!)** Clod pulled out his gina sore and smucked a lesban with it. She flyed out the widow. Then Maryo shat furballs at anotter lesban and she burst into fame. They Sonce rolled into a bill** (OH NOVA I NEED BACKUP! SOMEONE CALL BLAZE, FAST!)** to defete another one and I used my unbettable marital arts on the other one. **(…Mere words cannot express the sheer stupidity of this story.)** Samas was bye herself.

"tellus **(…You really should switch to MTS instead of Tellus, lady.)** were Marth is!" I smacked her. **(SHE SHOUTED IT OUT LAST CHAPTER! THIS IS COMPLETELY UNNECESSARY!)**

"No!" Samas said. I started stroking her with lighting from my fingers like in Stair Was becuz one of the powers God gave me was tobe a yeti with the forc. **(…THAT IS NOTHING LIKE STAR WARS! THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE YETIS!)**

"Tell us now!" **(…Who said this?)**

"NECAR!" Samas said.

"Stop Sara ur 2 powerful if u keep atecking Samas shell die and than well never fond math!" **(SERIOUSLY! IS EVERYONE IN THIS FIC DEAF OR SOMETHING?!)** Sonec said. I new he had a pint so I stapped using lighting on Samas. We had 2 find someone eels who could find Marth. I preyed that God wood show me were Mart was.** (STOP. THAT. NOVADAMMIT.**

"Sara! Mark is in Subspas!" I herd God say.** (YES, BECAUSE APPARENTLY EVERY SINGLE PERSON IN THIS FIC IS DEAF AND DID NOT HEAR SAMUS SHOUTING IT OUT LAST CHAPTER.)**

"Thanks God!" I sad back. **(YES YOU SHOULD BE SAD.)**

"Were is Marth" Maryo said. **(Yay, backup's here! All Smashers: HATE.)**

"Hes in Subspas!" I said. **(ARRRRRGGGGGHHHH.)**

"Oh no how did u no!" Samas sad. Clod **(You know, I would be saying 'God' instead of 'Nova', but I think that would only make us feel worse. GET. CLOUD. STRIFE. OUT OF HERE. NOVA.)** hit her with his sord to knack her unconshus.

"Not Subspas that place is terryfine!" Clod said. **(I SAID GET HIM OUT OF HERE.)**

"But we havto Marth is in treble!" I said. **(…Martha's inside a robot dog? Eww.)**

"Well ned more people Snoop will want 2 cum too save his son and Lonk and Ick are Marth's beast pals. Zolta an Pech shuld came to and also Kerby and my bro Luweegee and Pete cuz hes an angle" Maro said. So we get everbuddy adn goto Subspas to fine Marth. **(…I don't know who ANY of those people are. And you know what would make this fic a whole lot better? IF IT DIDN'T EXIST. Or if it had Werehog Sonic and/or Blaze. Either one would do.)**

In Subspas were insanely atecked by Subspas stuff but we beet them. Then we find Master Han and Crazy Hanes. **(So you were attacked by Primids and immediately found Master Hand and Crazy Hand? Oooookay.)**

"Whatter u dong her" Mister Hans said. **(MISTER HANS! XD)**

"Weve cum 2 find Marth" I said.

"No Sara u will dye!" Crazy Ham said. He tred to pinch me but I puled out my dads shotgun **(…Your Dad's WHAT?!)** (its one of my specal movs no that im a smasher) and shat him until he ded. Than I did the sam to Master Hemp. **(Okay, that's just impossible. LOGIC ERROR. YOU CANNOT DEFEAT MASTER AND CRAZY HAND SO EASILY. IT'S IMPOSSIBLE.)**

"Well dun but Marth is still mine" Tatu leder of Subspas came. **(LOGIC ERROR. TABUU DIED! HOW CAN HE POSSIBLY SHOW UP ((OTHER than my idea of having Tabuu locked up in the bowels of Smash mansion.))?!)**

"ILL KILL U!" I said. I tred too shat him but he took my gum away b4 I cold. **(Sooo we have to cheer for Tabuu? Gotcha. GO TABUU GO!)**

"Ha! U shuld no im a librul so I allways take teh gins away!" He said. I was rite I shuld have nown that. I tred my lighting buthe bloked it. Tehn I tred all my otter atecks. **(YES! YOU CAN DO IT TABUU!)**

"who r u dong this" I aked "my powers cum form GOD!" **BECAUSE THE AUTHOR POSSIBLY GOT A REALITY CHECK AND KNOWS THAT YOU CANNOT DEFEAT TABUU THAT EASILY.)**

"yes wile mine come from Satin." **(Oh…I'm still cheering for Tabuu, though.)**

"Bit Santana is weeker then God!" **(I can just feel my brain cells EXPLODING while I read this.)**

"Yes but im alos the antichris!" **(After this, I'm going to put 'Live & Learn', 'His World', 'Seven Rings in Hand', 'A New Venture ((I'm getting THAT desperate))' and 'Reach for the Stars' on repeat, curl up in a corner and die.)**

"how r u relly" I said.

So Taboo roped of his musk and reveled that he was a bleck guy. But he was wering a soot not gane close so I new he culd only be presadent brock obama! **(What in the name of the Sacred Realm?)**

…**And that's (THANK NOVA) the end of the chapter. If anyone can send me a CD with all the before mentioned songs on it, I will die happy with this horror erased from my mind. -Light**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry folks, I had some homework on Monday (Curse you, school!) and couldn't work. BUT I'm back with a completed copy of Sonic Gen and ready to endure some torture!**

**Also, curl up, get some Sonic music on and be prepared.**

**Uuuuunfortunately I have to beat Subspace Emissary ALL. OVER. AGAIN (Don't worry; I'm almost at Tabuu!).**

**So this means it'll take a little longer to finish this…**

…**Yeah. You know, adding to the list above, after you finish this chapter, I recommend watching some Pewdiepie or the Dubspace Emissary on YouTube to get your sanity back. I'll need it, that's for sure.**

**Also, I am incredibly happy. YAY SONIC'S GONNA BE IN SSB4! Okay I'm done.**

**Without further ado, let's begin.**

STOP WRATING BAD THANGS ABOUT MY STOREY! **(NEVER!)** If yall dont ill tell Lauren to beet u up **(YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE WE LIVE, LADY.)**. She rans crass country and plays batskeetball so shes in reel god shap (but she doesnt try to look manely or anythang becuz shes not a lesban and nether am I **(WE DON'T CARE.)**. We were makeup an nic close and put alota tim in r hare). Alos my bro is a senor lintbecker on the hi school fatball teem so he cold beet yall up even easer. **(WE. DON'T. CARE.) **Marry CHRISmass (NOY HAPY HOLEDAY) to the good people who wote good revews! (Im up erly becuz im so excite. I no ill get godo stuff this yer)** (…SCREW. YOU.)**

CHAO** (Aw man, I was saving a Chao joke for the end!...Don't tell Cream I kidnapped Cheese. Cheese: Chao?)** 5: SARA VERSAILLES OBABA **(Is her last name 'Versailles' now?)**

I stud infrant of Ibama, reddy too fite**(I thought it was Obama, not 'Ibama')**. He keeped taking about how he was the greetest evul 2 evar live and how he wood give my sole to Satin **(NOVA, WE DO NOT CARE, GET IT OVER WITH.)**. I new I coldnt bet him in my curant stat, so I activated my finale smash.

"impassible! Noone can use there finale smash without a smash bell!" Brak Osama said **(FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO MAKES SENSE.)**. Now iwas moor powarfel then him and I quackly wan.

"Ha! Your alredy to late!" he laffed evully and flyed away "i hided Marth somewere in the Grate Mase tho." **(Eh?)**

"im to late what dos that men" I said.

"idont no lets fine math" Kink said. **(Who in the name of Jaydes is 'Kink'?)**

So we all went in2 the Miz to find Marth. We seerch all over and fote bats aganst bad people their. But Mark was nowere to be fond. We war about to give up wen we herd the sowd of a musial cumin form one of the dores we werent in yet. We open the door and saw that Marth was insid with Captan Futon **(Uh, last time I checked, a 'Futon' is kind of like a mattress. So, Captain Mattress? XD) **and a buncha otter gay guys. **(Uh oh.)** He was dress lik a dreg quin. **(…A what.)** He saw us and skiped over.

"ew, dad. Those are last moths shos" he sed to Snack. Snak was wering last months shoos but Marth shuldnt no that. He also taked with a hi-patched vois witha lasp insted of his normel depp manely vois. **(So Marth WAS a girl!) **Captan Fakkon skiped up to.

"thisis me bofrend captan facon" Mark sad. then I relized wat happen. Marth was turn gay! **(All Marth Fangirls: *Faints*)**

"NO NOT MY SUN!" Snarf **(Snarf. Just Snarf.)** said.

"now wer gonna rap u an make yall gay to silly" Captan Vulcan **(FIRST KHAN, NOW VULCANS?! Me thinks I spot a Star Trek fan.)** said. Tehnb Mark an Captan Favan and all the otter gays in The Room skiped at us. I new they culdnt make me gay becuz only getting repad by lesbans turns gurls gay but it was still scury. **(Soooo you ran around like chickens with their heads cut off? Gotcha.)**

Snale got ot his rockette luncher an shat rockettes at the gays and blowed a buncha them up but their wer to maney. **(BRAIN COME BACK! I NEED YOU!)** Clod used a lamer brake **(What?)** to get rad of more gays. Zelda shat furballs **(Huh?)** and used the dimand sheld thin b4 turning into Shaq and using kun fu and ninja stuff. Link throwed his bonerang **(Okay, this is pretty juvenile, but still funny. XD)** and Ikr used his sord to held back the gays **(Aaaand I'm confused again.)**. Maryo and Loogey jamped on the gays heds to kill them. Peech throwed turdaps and Kerby hit them with his hummer** (KIRBY WITH A HUMMER…SOMEONE SEND ME THIS IMAGE IMMEDIATELY.)**. Sonec **(NO. Okay, for the rest of this story Sonic fans, imagine the Sonic of this story is replaced by…Um…I dunno, Omochao! It'll make it MUCH more bearable.)**used supper sped ball on them and sence Pete is an angle he sant gays diretlay to hell usin the powar of God **(PALUTENA. Her name is Palutena *Cries*.)**. Despit all these their war to many gays in The Room so we had too retret. Everbuddy ran out the dor expect Soldi Snak

"cum on Snaek!" **(…Okay the funniness has officially ended.)** I shatted.

"no yall leve ill hild tem of they alredy got my sun I hav noting to liv 4" Snack fired rockettes into the gays like a maidman wile ever1 elese ran out of the grate max. Soon more gays and lesbans and otter libruls started poring out of the other doors. We wer trap. **(PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF NAYRU, LEARN YOUR VERBS.)**

"ono" I said. I thout I wold be rapped into a lesban and then id hav too kiss girls and stop wering makeup and start wering flanel and id only shop at homs deepo insted of gud storks. Butthan mister han and crazie hen flyed out of the sky.** (Mister Hans is back people! And this time with his sidekick, Crazie Hen! *Batman theme*)**

"hirry! Well crary u2 safe!" Masterham said. **(Then Master Hand murdered Sara to rid us of the burden of reading it. Oh, if only…)** I new that God sent them to save us from the gay librusl. They take us back 2 teh Manshan. I was gong to find Samas and beet her up 4 sending Marth to Subspas were he turd gay but she wasnt in the manshan she was shoping at helms deep becuz shes a lesban. **(…For the name of-HOW IN THE NAME OF THE SACRED REALM DOES THIS MAKE SENSE TO YOU?!)**

Since Math was gay no I went on a dat with Link insted. **(NOOOOOOOOOOOO!)** We eat at chickfila (Ha! Take that gays!) and then saw a movie. **(STEP AWAY FROM THE HYLIAN, SARA. STEP AWAY FROM THE HYLIAN.)**

**And end. Godddd. I need to find some AWESOME Sonic music and FAST. I'm already at the Tropical Resort Remix from Sonic Gen, and I need more songs to work with. Please, if you know ANY AT ALL, PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF NOVA TELL ME WHICH. -Light**


	6. Chapter 6

**Ow, my nose! Sorry, but I needed to point that out. We were playing volleyball at school during gym class and the metal container thing for the volleyballs slammed shut on my head, cutting my nose (Don't worry, it was only a little cut!). BUT on the bright side this has given me the rage for another chapter!**

**And on the brighter side, all I have to do is unlock Toony, Puff-Puff and Wolfos and I'm finished Subspace Emissary (Again)! And, as usual, Sonic's entry was EPIC as always. Though I really do wish they would let us know where he came from and what happened to him (Although I have my theories.). (QUICK, QUICK UPDATE: Okay, so this was YESTERDAY. I've already unlocked Toony, Puff-Puff and Wolfos. BUT I've still gotta get a Blaze trophy because SHE IS AWESOME SIMPLE AS THAT.)**

**Also, I'm going to listen to Zelda's Lullaby after listening to Planet Wisp on Sonic Gen AND after some Ke$ha. You see, I DO take advice!**

**Anyways, let's begin.**

**P.S: There's a part in this story that is just…Wow. I'll point it out later.**

I fond out that Laurens sister in collage voted 4 sum guy named garry jonson (wonder if hes relative 2 mr jonson) insted of matt ramnoy in the erection.** (…Pfft! I think I'm so far gone I actually find this funny now. Welp, no turning back (By the way, thanks for your kind words of encouragement, Paula and Warrior Kitty.)).)** That mad me relly upsat but Lauren sed it was ok becuz romni still won soth caroline (were I live) and I gess shes rite **(Shuuuuutttttt uppppppp.)**. Lauren looked relly pretty in her new crismas close and she said idid to and im gled I got to sped the nite at her hous **(STOP MAKING THE REST OF US FEEL HORRIBLE. WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR LIFE.)**. Also yall need to stop saiyan bad thans about my storey, libruls! Also im not a slot ima CHRISTEN!**(Y'know, for a Christian, you sure do deny being a lesbo and a slut a lot. I wonder why…*Wink wink, nudge nudge*)**

CHAP 6: THE CONSART** (RUN FREE, CHEESE. RUN BACK TO THE CHAO REALM FROM WHICH YOU CAME! Cheese: …Chao chao? *Translation* **_**Is this lady nuts or what?**_**)**

thew next day all the conserbatovs wer sad that March and Snak were gay libruls now (Snak evan chaned his nam frum Soiled Smock** (XD SOILED SMOCK THIS IS NOW TOTALLY CANON!))** to Solendra Snaef). Mastre Hanes saw this and so he skeduled a hug consort **(Sooo you go around hugging random people? I don't think you should hug Blaze, she'd just fry you to death ((Except Sonic, she'd hug back if that were the case.))…On the other hand, go hug Blaze, Sara. She TOTALLY looks like she needs a hug, don't you think?)** 4 us. He called lots of relly great people like Bard Palsy **(Huh?)** and Tobe Ketrh **(Uh?)** and Care Underwode **(YAY!)** and Honk Willems Junor **(Uh?)** and Tod Nougat **(Uh?)** and Justyn Bebur **(BOOOOOO!)** and On Directon **(YAY/BOO!)** and a buncha other people. And beast of all he got TALER SWIFT **(Who?)** to cum. Tailer Swuft **(Ohhh, TAYLOR SWIFT. Okay. Wait, WHAT?!)** is my favorit musec person **(She isn't my ABSOLUTE favorite, but she was one of the first singers I ever heard, so yeah.)** and I relly lick her a lot **(Eww….)** BUT NOT IN THAT WAY BECUZ IM NOT A LESBAN **(…Denial. First stage. I KNEW IT.)** just as a frend. I was gong to were my best red dress for the consart. I had my hare dun up nice and put on some reed lipstake an sum eyeliner and eye shadoo. And I put on my best hi hells. **(YOU DON'T NEED TO DRESS UP. Okay well maybe for a concert BUT STILL.) **

I walked through the manshan but than I saw Samas** (WELL WHERE IS CAPTAIN MATTRESS?! THAT IS THE QUESTION I WANT TO KNOW.)** but Lin **(QUICK LINK WHILE SHE'S DISTRACTED STAB HER IN THE BACK THROW HER BODY IN THE LAKE AND DON'T SAY NOTHING TO NOBODY.) ** was their to protract me so she didnt rap **(Well it depends. What song was she rapping to?)** me. She walked the otter way but drapped a notbook. I piced it up and red the cover. It sad "SECRETE PLANE 2 MAEK TAILAR SWOFT MY LESBAN LUVER." **(Why would Samus just HAPPEN to carry that around in a crowded town with her? AND WHAT ABOUT CARRIE UNDERWOOD?! SHE'S JUST AS GOOD AS TAYLOR SWIFT!)** That fightened me alot becuz Tailer Swift is my favaret muzican **(OH, THE NON-EXISTANT PITY I HAVE FOR YOU, SARA.)** and if she was turned into a lesban than shed rite sons with secrete backwerds massages **Secret backwards messages-THAT IS THE SHINING, SARA. NOT LESBOS. THEY ARE NOT ALL LITTLE DANNIES. Oh, and by the way, RED RUM, RED RUM. :P)** that turn people gay (my parents said that hevy medal muzic alreddy does sumthing **(…HATEEEEE. YOU HAVE INCREDIBLY CRAPPY PARENTS IF THEY TELL YOU THIS. BECAUSE THIS IS TOTAL TAUROS CRAP.)** like this to turn people into Stanists** (BURNING WITH HATRED, RIGHT NOW.)**). I red the plane and new I had to stop it. So I caled Tayler Swift becuz I have her privates numner.** (…LOGIC ERROR. YOU CANNOT JUST SAY YOU HAVE THE PRIVATE NUMBER OF A CELEBRITY. THAT'S CHEATING. IT'S LIKE SAYING YOU "Found out" WHERE THE BATCAVE WAS.)**

"Hi Sara" she said "im lookin ford to seen u et my consort." **(…TAYLOR, RUN.)**

"SAMAS IS GUNA RAERP U AND TURN U INTO A LESBAN!" I scrammed into the fone. **(I think Taylor Swift's ear is bleeding now since you just yelled into the phone she has her ear pressed up against. So, once again, IT'S ALL SARA'S FAULT.)**

"Uno!" she said, "i ned more budygards!" **("Buddyguards"?)**

So she hanged up so that she cold hir some budygords. Later I went to the consort with Lnik **(Nyaaa, STAY AWAY FROM LINK NOVADAMMIT.)** and lessened to the muzak. I saw that Tailar Swift had mor buddygurds now including Radley from Samas Game **(RIDLEY?! LAST TIME I CHECKED, HE WAS BAD GUY! WHAT, DO YOU HAVE EGGHEAD ON SPEED-DIAL TOO, SARA?! YOU BETTER HAVE AN AMBULANCE ON SPEED-DIAL BY THE END OF THE STORY, BECAUSE YOU'LL NEED ONE AFTER I'M DONE WITH YOU.)**. She was the hedlane of the consort so she was on last. She was in the maddle of signing "Luv Storey" (mine and Laurens favorit of her sons. We lissen 2 it 2tegeter al the tim. I no ill find a guy to lissen 2 it with sumday). **(As much as I hate to say it, I like that song too. Makes me get all Zelink-y and Sonaze-y.)**

"Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone.  
I keep waiting for you but you never come.  
Is this in my head? I don't know what to think.  
He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring and said..." Tailer Swift sang. **(Ok, this is that part I mentioned WAYYY back at the beginning of this chapter that pisses me off. Why? BECAUSE THESE LYRICS ARE ACCURATE AND CORRECTLY SPELLED. TRUST ME, I LISTEN TO THIS SONG ALL THE TIME. IT'S A PART NEAR THE FINAL CHORUS. ARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH.)**

Suddanly Samas stod up.

"IM GUNNA RAP U TAYLAR SWAFT!" **(Getting right to the point. That's just Samus' way.)** she began ranning 2 the stooge. Lotsa bodygards tred to stap her but a buncha gay guys including Mart and Snick and Captan Facon **(THE HIGHLY ANTICIPATED GREAT RETURN OF CAPTAIN MATTRESS.)** roped them 2 turn them gay. Luckly Rudley cold fly so he grapped Tayler Soft and carred her out of Samas clatches **(AND THEN RIDLEY CARRIED HER OFF AND KILLED HER, BECAUSE HE'S A FRIGGIN BAD GUY!)**.

Wen Samas got too the stag Tad Nuget (**…WHO?!)** grabed his asalt ruffle **(Assault rifle? HE HAS ONE OF THOSE?!) ** and shat her like a billion times **(Um…Eww.)**. Wile she was destracted by that Tobe Keeth sneaked up behind her and shaved a boat up her ass **(Shoved a WHAT up her ass?!)** (sorry for swering. I prayed for fergivness from God for tiping that **(…OH MY NOVA, YOU'VE ALREADY SWEARED LIKE ZILLIONS OF TIMES BEFORE. AND I HIGHLY DOUBT THAT **_**ANY **_**GOD WOULD FORGIVE YOU NOW. NOPE, NOT GOD, THE GODDESSES OF HYRULE, GRAMBI, ARCEUS, MARIA **_**OR **_**NOVA!)**) like in my favoretest sing of his **(…He DOES that?!)**. Than the otter muzakans ran over and beet Samas with there instraments until she was unconshus and then the polite came and throwed her in prisan** (WHY DID YOU PUT SAMMIE IN PRISON?! SHE'S A FRIGGIN BOUNTY HUNTER! SHE CAN'T GO IN JAIL, SHE'LL ONLY BUST OUT WITH SOME BADASS KARATE AND A LASER GUN!)** (unfortunetly they toke her 2 womans prism so she culdnt be reaped becuz shes alredy a lesban **(…You…WANT her to be Prison Raped?! Sick, Stupid, Inhumane ((I could just go on and on, you know.)).) **). Once allthe gays were scarred off Ridlay came back with Talar Sweft and she famished her consort.**(Yes people, Ridley's name is now pronounced as Rid-LAY…What am I doing with my life? AND RIDLEY IS EVIL.)**

After it was dun all the musicans gave autotrophs to me and the other smashers. Talar Swift gave me the bigest best autotroph of all time becuz I warned her about Samas. **(The biggest? So what, she autographed your horrible, horrible story? Since we have to go through about twenty-nine more chapters of this, I think WE deserve that autograph. Gimme that pen for a sec.)**

**But after realizing what a crappy story it was, Taylor Swift threw it out the window and called security to take Sara away. She then gave the best autographs to Light, Paula, Warrior Kitty, Nicky and every other person who ever had to read this torture. "Here you go, everyone. Don't worry, she won't bother any of you again!" she said, smiling. All the readers cheered in glee, including the Smashers, who were finally free from Sara's evil Mary Sue grip.**

"**Hooray! Now we can actually do something good with our lives! YOU'RE NEXT, EBONY OF MY IMMORTAL. YOU'RE NEXT." said Light, threatening Ebony who was hiding in the crowd.**

**(…Oh, if only!)**

"Ur my bettest frend" Taylir Swut said (off coarse Lauren is my BFF but I didnt want to hart Taylers felons by tellin her that). **(…SHUT UP, THIS IS TOTAL TAUROS CRAP. BUT I'M SURE PEOPLE KNEW THAT FROM THE FIRST SECOND THEY LAID EYES ON THIS STORY.)**

Wen the consort was ovary and the muzikans laft I wenton anotter dat with Link. **(NO. OH NOVA WHY. JUST KILL HIM OFF, I DON'T CARE, AT LEAST HE'LL BE FREE FROM THIS HORROR.)**

**And chapter end. The songs really helped, but not enough. I'm gonna just listen to the Sonic Colors soundtrack for now.**

…**I need a Pepsi. -Light**


	7. Chapter 7

**Alrighty, I've gone on TV Tropes, found some more GREAT Sonic Soundtracks, and am ready to start Chapter Seven.**

**BUT first, a bit on the song I'm listening to now. Isn't that just…PRECIOUS?! *Sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm***

**Okay, so I found the song last year while my cousin was playing his copy of Sonic Gen. It's Rooftop Run Modern Remix. Near the end of the school year last year, I got one of my friends to play the piano part and for me to vocalize the violin parts for the school talent show. AND WE GOT THIRD PLACE. Yay?**

**Okay's, enough of my rambling, time for torture! Yayyyyyyy.**

**Oh! And by the way, guess who was the FIRST FRIGGIN TROPHY I RAN INTO ON COIN LAUNCHER? Yep, Blaze. Then some Chaos. Yay, Chaos! Now to find the Blaze Sticker, such an elusive treasure that I failed to find it on my previous file.**

I loked up wat a Marisoo **(WOW, YOU CAN ACTUALLY LOOK UP WHAT STUFF IS?! IT'S A MIRACLE! NOW TO SEE IF THIS STORY GETS ERASED FROM HISTORY FOR ANOTHER MIRACLE!)** was and I thenk this chapper will prov that Sara isnt won **(BLASPHEMY!)** so all of u libruls wil have 2 make up now ways 2 ignor the TRUTH in my storey. **(Truth? What truth?)**

CHAP 7: FEETBALL GAEM **(CHEESE I SAID RUN AWAY! Cheese: Chao chao, chao chao chao. *Translation* **_**This lady is obviously mental, but I better stick around for a while if I want to get home.**_**)**

the next day Link waked **(FOR THE LOVE OF NOVA, LEARN YOUR VERBS.)** me up an told me that the No Yirk Jet **(New York WHAT?! THE ONLY JETS I KNOW ARE THE MANITOBA HOCKEY TEAM!)** were playin agenst the Hirool Fotball **(I think you mean Hyrule, but it's hard to tell.)** team that day.

"The Ne wYok Jars?!" **(Isn't Jar-Jar-Something a guy on Star Wars? I…Don't really know that much about Star Wars except for the whole "I AM YOUR FATHER" scene.)** I said. They were my favorte footbal teem even tho I liev in Suth Carelyna **(Good, because Link will obviously like the Hyrule team and he'll break up with you on the spot you SON OF A BARREL.)** becuz they have Tim Tibo playin 4 tham and hes relay awsom and a Christen. I used 2 lik the Danver Brikos becuz they had Teboo **(TABUU IS ON A FOOTBALL TEAM. MIND = BLOWN.)** but than they get rad of him prolly becuz there couch was a gay librul soshalest or sumthin.

"And I hav sum tikets" Linj said.

"Yay! We ned 2 go" I sade.

"Absalootly Nit!" Mister Hem said, flaying don the hale. **(HELLO, CLARICE!)**

"wynaut" I said. ** ( WYNAUT? AUDINO!)**

"becuz we nede 2 fite maches 2day and allso im brotesh so I thank socer is fotball becuz king jorge the turd was a America-hating commanst who hated America and name socker fetball in enguld so thet reel footbal cant be in brutishland." **(…Mastie, repeat that in English, please.)**

I strummed off becuz Master Han was been such a jurk! He ran aftar me. **(MASTER HAND DOES NOT HAVE LEGS, YOU FRIGGIN OMOCHAO! Oh, and remember, replace Sonic with Omochao in this story to make it easier. And, for the rest of the characters, replace them with your most hated video game characters. FOR EXAMPLE, I made Link Toad ((Stupid little suck-up…)) and made Samus Navi (It's almost as satisfying as when I named my chick on "CAN Your Pet?" Navi and took her for a bicycle ride :D.))!)**

"But theirs sumthin eels 2day. Sinc Samas is in prisan now we neded anew smasher to replac here." Just than Crazy Hanie flewed up and withim was LAUREN! **(Who, another friggin Mary Sue to add to your list? JOY. MASTER HAND, WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS IN WAITING LIST AND PUT BLAZE IN, NOVADAMMIT?!)**

"Hey gurl!" Lauren said. We higged each other.** (I don't really know WHAT 'Higged' means, but I'm not really sure I'd WANT to know.)**

"3" I said. **(…YOU SAID…A NUMBER…AS…A SENTENCE…We have entered the Twilight Zone of stupidness now, people.)**

"Shell be stay in ur rom becuyz Samas had losts of lesban sax on her bed so she prolly dont wanna slip their" Crapy Hans sad.** (Pfft! CRAPPY HANS XD!)**

"Yay! Were romies!" I charred. **(GO BACK TO THY REALM FROM WHICH THY CAME FROM, DEMON!)**

"No teem up 4 ur first mach 2day" Mister Hens said "u will fite Math and Captan Fukton. Goto the studiem nao." ** (CAPTAIN MATTRESS HAS NO NEED FOR MATH.)**

I was sad that I had 2 fite Marth even tho I was dating Link. I still had felons 4 Mark. I told Lauren abot this.

"Its ok im her" she huged me agen and I falt beater. **(FORESHADOWING THAT LAUREN IS SAMUS IN DISGUISE = CHECK.)**

We want 2 the mach agenst Marth and Capten Fulcone. Wen we got 2 the stag they wer havin gay sax onit. **(Well THAT was fast. Y'know, I'm actually considering on bringing Sonic here to see what he thinks. Or maybe Link. Or maybe EVERYONE.)** I throwed up and so did Lauren and so did all the otter Christen watchen. Tehn the frat begun.

"Ew! Ur fashon sanse is like so bid" Marth said. **(AGREED.)**

"Liar!" **(NO, TRUTH-TELLER.)** I sad. Both Lauren and me allways had the best close ever **(INCORRECT!)**. Marth tred 2 hit Lauren with his sord but she dogged it. Even tho Lauren did not have powars frum God, neither Marth nor Capetn Falcan were fat enuf 2 hit her **(…XD Those two need to put on weight, you say? I know of some certain Fangirls who would disagree with you…)**. I didnt evan have 2 us my powars in the fite. Lauren was that guds on her one that I barely evan hed 2 do anytin. She basecly wan the fit buy herself (c Sara cant be a marsu if theres sum1 batter then her). **(How can you fight by yourself? You can't fight without an opponent!)**

"this gaems winnar red teem" the narater sade. ** (THIS GIRL KNOWS NOTHING ABOUT SMASH BROS IF SHE DOESN'T REALIZE THAT THE ANNOUNCER IS MASTER HAND. It's like when I had a stupid moment and realized the English lyrics to the Brawl main theme was talking about Sonic ((Look at them yourself and TELL me I'm wrong.))!)**

Lauren and me hagged agen wen we won. After a few more fites (wich we alos won)** (YOU SHOULD BE TIRED BY NOW, IF YOU FOUGHT FIVE BRAWLS IN A ROW.)** we were dun 4 the day. Aftar we wer don we went 2 r rom and Laurens stuf was alredy their. We massed the fettbill gam **(GOD.)** but we saw that the Jers won and Tom Tebo scared a buncha pants **(The idea of a guy scaring away a bunch of pants is almost humorous, if only it wasn't on the peak of Insanity.)**. I called him 2 congradulat him (I had his privet fone nomber) **(AGAIN, LOGIC ERROR. YOU CANNOT HAVE CELEBRITIES PRIVATE NUMBERS. YOU BETTER HAVE NAVY AND THE ARMY ON SPEED DIAL, BECAUSE I WILL COME AFTER YOU WITH THE WRATH OF A THOUSAND SUNS.)** and than LAuren and me went 2 slap. We slipped in the only bed but NOT IN A LESBAN WAY WE SLEP IN THE SAM BAD AL THE TIM BUT WERE STRATE WE WERE NISE CLOSE AND MAKUOP AND PUT EFFART IN R HARE AND DONT TRY 2 LOK MANELY! **(You sure do deny being lesbo a lot…COINCIDENCE I THINK NOT.)**

The next day Lauren started dating Ike (**HISSSSSSSSSSS.)** and they want on a dooble dat with Me and Limk. We wrent 2 Chickfela agen becuz they opos the gay agands. **(STOP GOING TO CHICKEN-FIL-A ((Wait, at least it made Ike happy. BUT YOU SHOULDN'T BE HAPPY IN THIS TORTURE.))-Okay, okay, calm down, remember, she's dating a little guy with a mushroom cap. Not Linky…ARGHHHH THIS IS NOT WORKING!)**

**Okay, I need some cool down time, so till next time-Ulp, there go half my brain cells from reading ahead. La li la li la! -Light**


	8. Chapter 8

…**Yep. Well, a quick note before we start.**

**Tomorrow is Thanksgiving where I live, so there'll probably be no update. Basically, Thanksgiving in my family goes like this:**

**My Mom's side of the family all goes to my Aunt Helen's place. I go on their computer and watch Pewdiepie with my step-cousin until dinner. After dinner me and my step-cousin (Curtis) MIGHT play a bit with my other cousin, Cole (Who's six, by the way.) and then watch some more videos until it's time for my family to leave.**

**Yes, my life.**

**Let's just start.**

I loki **(Poor, poor Loki. He may be a psychotic, homicidal maniac, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN HE DESERVES TO BE IN THIS HORROR.)** up the defanation of "troll" an I jus have 2 say that its tipecal librul behavor to just call me a troll because yall dont wanna accept that everytrthing I say is tru **(INCORRECT. DOWN TO CRAZY HANDS DOMAIN YOU GO.)** and u libruls are wrong and agenst God himself. Yall refuse to accept that any1 has a difring oponion frum u becuz if u do that then yule hav 2 accept that ur opinyon is wrung. U R HIPPOCRATES.** (Oh what's that you say? I can't hear you over all these AMZINGLY WELL-WRITTEN FANFICTIONS THAT DO NOT INCLUDE YOURS WHATSOEVER. AND YOU CALL **_**US **_**HYPOCRITES?!) **

CHAP 8: SAMAS BRAKES OUTTA PRISAN **(T'was the inevitable.)**

Lauren an Me had lotsa fun and wan alota maches over the naxt weak **(HEY. DON'T YOU REFERENCE MY PERSONAL LIFE RIGHT NOW. *Sniff* Poor Sonic…So many fights…ONLY TO HAVE LOST TO **_**PEACH **_**OF ALL FRIGGIN PEOPLE! *Sobs*)**. Havin her in tha manshon was the best thin ever. We also went on a tun of dobbie dates with r boyfrens Like **(You better be careful Sara, Like-Likes can devour you whole!...On the other hand, why don't you go give it a hug? *Evil laugh*)** and Ink. On dya I was bye myself tho and walking around the manshon. I had the day off becuz Lauren was teeming with Ike and Link had a 1-an-1 mach agents Ganandalf **(NOOOOOOOOOOO NOT GANDALF! YOU EVIL BAS-*Sedated*)**. I was walking past a buncha door an stuf. Than Zelda waked up to me. **(MAKE ZELDA MALON IN THIS FIC, NOVADAMMIT. OR I DUNNO, RUTO. HER HEADS ALREADY ON A PIKE IN MY OFFICIAL 'HALL OF DEMONS' ((YOU'RE NEXT NAVI, YOU'RE NEXT.)), SO WHO EVEN CARES?)**

"Hi Sara" she said. She was starring at my shirt. I was wearing a pink tank top that staryed out blake but then I took alota glitter and spel "Obama Sux" **(Y'know, someone really should E-mail this fic to Obama. Then Sara would face her comeuppance…QUICK SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT OBAMA'S E-MAIL ADDRESS IS.)** onit.

"Lick my shit?" **(Eww…)** I said.

"yes. Thats why I was luking their **(Oh NOVA no.)**" Zelda said she loking bak at my fase "lets go2 my rome" **(ZELDA OWNS ROME…MY MIND JUST BLEW UP.)**

"OK" I said. I fellowed Zelda 2 her room. Wen we want inside the room was dirk and I herd the dore slum behind me. **(Uh oh. DARKNESS MEANS BAD. WELL EXCEPT FOR DARK PITTO, HE'S COOL. OH AND SHADOW.**

"hai their pretty gurl" I recognized the vois imedietly. It was SAMAS ERIN! But she was supposed 2 b in prism. **(SHE'S IN THE NEW KATY PERRY ALBUM?! Yet another reason for me to BUY IT IMMEDIATELY WHEN IT COMES OUT.)**

"But ur supose 2 be in prisan" is aid. **(I told you all in Chapter Six; SAMUS ARAN CANNOT BE CONTAINED IN ANY MERE PRISON. SHE HAS BUSTED OUT WITH SOME BADASS KARATE AND A LASER GUN.)**

"I braked out" she said. It was my worstest feer. I new she wuld evantully be pardanned by Bareck Obaka **(Poor, poor Obama…SERIOUSLY SOMEONE SEND ME HIS E-MAIL.)** but I hopped the wasingtan burowcrasy wuld dely her pardan lon enuf 4 a Republeken too be elect or for Obamuh 2b impech. I didnt except 4 Samas to brake out.** (TAUROS CRAP, YOU MUST HAVE EXPECTED THIS SOMEHOW. YOU'VE PLAYED METROID GAMES; WE ALL SAW RIDLEY IN CHAPTER SIX.)**

"Zelda we ned to ran" but Zelda was bloking the door "whats gone on?" **(No.)**

"U didnt figar it out yet?" Zelda said. She runned ovary and stated to ripe off my close and she kissed me. **(NO.)**

"Ono ur a lesban now" **(HAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTEEEEEEEEEEE.)** I sad, puling away. Howevar Samas grabed me form behind and than started ribbing my butte.** (Y'know, I think I've held it off long enough. LINKO! ZELLIE! SAMMIE! TOONY! COME HERE FOR A SEC AND READ THIS! Link: *Rage mode* DEEEEEEEAAAAAATTTTTTHHHHHH! Toon: *Confused*Auntie Zelda what's a "Lesbian"? Zelda: *Shocked*You'll learn when you're older Toon. Samus: *Rage mode X2* *Cheerful smile* Can someone please direct me to this woman's house so I can brutally murder her?)**

"Yes I am sexay Sara" Zelda toched my brass. **(SCREW THIS TAUROS CRAP I'M RUNNING!)**

"I turmed her into my luver when I return from prisan" Samas whispared in2 my eer. **(PAIN PAIN PAIN.)**

"And son yule be a lesban to" Zelda whaspered in my otter era.

"No ples no" I said "i dont wanna be a lesban. Ima Christen! Sumbuddy Halp!" **(YOU DESERVE THIS. GET HER, ZELLIE AND SAMMIE!)**

"Noone can here u. We mad sure every1 els was in the stadiem" Samas said.

"God can her me" I said.** (NO. GOD STARTED IGNORING YOU INSTEAD OF STRIKING DOWN YOUR FRIGGIN HOUSE A SMITING YOU ONCE AND FOR ALL.)**

"Ha! Im an athist librul now! I dont beleve in God anymor!" Zelda said.

"Yes now we both warship Satin!" Samas said. **(WARSHIP SATIN…That actually sounds kinda cool.)**

"Just becuz u dont beleve inhim doesnt meen hes nor reel" I sade.

"Well I used my magik combined with the pwoar of Santa **(SANTA'S BACK?! GIMMIE MY TWENTY BUCKS OR PERISH, SANTA!)** and Barak Obema to seel the door to this room" Zelda said "lik it or not yule be a lesban sun!"** (Zellie what have they done to you.)**

I runned into the coroner of Zeldas room.

"Sty back!" I sad, praperd fora fit.

"Been a lesban isnt sumthin to be afeared of Sara" Zelda said "Im hapy now that Samas and I r dating." **(I NEED SOME FAIRIES, A RED POTION AND ABOUT A DOZEN REDEADS, FAST. THEN WHO'LL BE HAPPY, HUH SARA?! HUH?!)**

"It doesnt matter how hapy u r. Its an abomasnow **(ABOMASNOW! MORE AND MORE POKEMON! ((Also, looking back at the second Chapter, I noticed something. Red now trains a little army of Pac-Men. Yay.)) IT'S LIKE IT'S MOCKING ME FOR NOT GETTING POKEMON X TODAY EVEN THOUGH I REALLY REALLY WANTED TO!)**!" I sed "God hats u 4 it!"

"Beleve me yule be hapy 2 wen u becom 1 of us" Samas said.

"Maybe ucan turn Lauren into a lesban than u 2 can dat eachodder" Zelda said. **(Good, then maybe God can kill two birds with one stone.)**

"No! Id never do that to my best fren!" I said "she may be the prettest gurl evar but we ned 2 goto hevan not hell. WERE CHRISTENS NOT LESBANS!" **(DENIAL. MOVE ONTO ACCEPTANCE, NOVADAMMIT.)**

"Not 4 long" Samas and Zelda said in unisan.

As the 2 lesbans aproched me I was more scarred than id evar ben in my life. Al I culd do was prey and prey that sum1 came to my rescue. Did I mak it out safe **(Nova I hope not.)** or did Samas and Zelda tune me in2 a lesban athist librul **(I HOPE SO.)**? Find out in the next chaptar! **(WORST. CLIFFHANGER. EVER.)**

…**Chapter end. ARRRGGGGGH. I might have to bring in more Smashers just to deal with this…**

**Remember people: Read, Write and Play Video Games! DO NOT read anything like this ever again. Only when it's making fun of this abomination is it okay. HEED MY NOVADAMN WORDS. -Light**


	9. Chapter 9

**YAYS, DOUBLE UPDATE! Due to me (Probably) not updating tomorrow, I'm giving you all a little treat.**

**Also, I've decided to quickly respond to the reviewer known as Guest!**

**Dear Guest,**

**Wow, I guess you DO learn something new every day. Truth be told, I truly don't know that much about Christianity. My friend Jessica is Christian, but she really doesn't talk about it much. I know SOME Christians do swear, and that some Christians don't really like homosexuality. That's about it.**

**Now, onto the music…I agree with the pokémon soundtracks, those'll definitely help a bit, and-…T-the L-little Girl's Theme? *Sniff* P-please don't make me listen to that song again because-WAHHHHHHHHHHH! IT'S SO SADDDDDD! (Okay, truth be told I LOVE that song.)**

**Sincerely, Light.**

**P.S: Thank you dearly for taking the time to read my misery.**

**So, without further ado, let's enter the realm of torture once again!**

**Oh! Right, by the way, I read ahead a couple chapters. Sara's even more of a jerk than we thought! SHE'S RICH. SHE'S A SPOILED ROTTEN BRAT WHO CAN'T SHUT UP ABOUT NOT BEING LESBO. AND SHE POKES JABS ABOUT AN OVERWEIGHT STUDENT IN HER SCIENCE CLASS AND CALLS HER A LESBO. ARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH. *Turns on N's Farewell from the Pokémon Black Soundtrack***

So u libruls kep callin me a troll? **(JAYDES YEAH WE DO!)** I aint a troll! **(LIAR!)** IMA CHRISTEN! **(Luh-hoo, seh-her!)** As allways thank all yall who worte god revews! **(I don't know if I should laugh, cry, scream, or do an angry rant against this woman next chapter. I'm going with option 5; A MIX OF ALL OF THEM.)** U r good Christens and I prey that good thjins happen 2 u evary nite.

CHAP 9: SARA ESCAPS **(BOOOOO! *Whispers* Cheese you better get in the burlap sack before Sonic shows up! Cheese: Chao. *Translation* **_**NO.**_**)**

So I was cowing in the cornor of Zeldas rome preying and preying 2 God 2 sav me frum becaming a lesban. **(Anddddd there go all my hopes and dreams. Somebody phone The White House FAST, tell them about this story and make them read it so they can send the SWAT team in on Sara's house. MWA HA HA HA HA! TAKE THAT, YOU PIECE OF TAUROS CRAP!)**

"SNAPE OUTTA THIS ZELDA! U R A CHRISTEN! **(We're through the looking glass here, people. I suggest Kitten Therapy for the remainder of this story.)** REMEMBER WEN WE FOTE BOOZER AND FALCOR AND LATER U TEEMED UP WITH ME 2 TRY 2 SAV MARTH EVER THO IT DIDNT WORK?" I said.

"Yes u wer relly sexay in ur red dress that day Sara" Zelda said "u make me wanan rap u evan mor!" **(We all kind of expected that, Sara. If you want to wear pretty dresses, DON'T DO IT ON PUBLIC TELEVISION.)**

"No go away! **(That isn't going to work.)**" I said. But Zelda and Samas keeped slowly approching me loking as deductive as passible. All I cold do was prey and prey and prey **(Yes yes, you are prey, we get it. I DESPISE YOU MORE THAN ANDREA ON SEASON THREE OF THE WALKING DEAD, SARA ((By the way, YAY SEASON FOUR FINALLY STARTS TOMORROW! I've got popcorn ready JUST for said occasion.)).)**. Then I had an idiom.

"So Zelda am I pretier then Samas?" I sajd. **(HELLS NO. YOU'RE UGLIER THAN MIMI'S TRUE FORM. RATED E FOR EVERYONE, FOLKS!)**

"OFF COARSE NOTE!" Zelda sad.

"Dame rite she aint" Samas culd swer becuz shes a lesban and goin 2 hell aneway. **(...)**

Than Samas and Zelda lusfully loked in eachodders eyes and prassed there lucas lips togetter. B4 lang they ware crassing eachotters subtitle beasts. It was a discussing abomnation but at lease they werent dong it 2 me. Evantully they forgote I was their so I sneaked 2 the door but itwas still seel! I tred to kick the door and scram 4 halp but it was a relly stron seel and sondprof. So I went bak into the corner curred up in a fatal positron and preyed sum moor. **(…GOOD.)**

I was abot to gave up hop wen the door braked down. It was LAUREN AND LINK AND IKE! **(BITCHES, LEAVE. Well not Linky but MURDER THE AUTHOR FOR MAKING YOUR PRINCESS LESBO.)**

"God gabve us a massage so we came!" Lauren said. I ranned over 2 Lauren and huged her and crayed. **(BLASPHEMY.)**

"They wer gone 2 turn me into a lesban!" I sad. **(BLASPHEM-Oh wait that's true. NEEEEEVERMIND.)**

"Its ok im here" Lauren rubed my hare as a frend. **(BLASPHEMY! I'm now considering this for my catch-phrase. Sonic: *Runs in* Sorry I'm late! Me: Well it's about Novadamn time.)**

"Zelda! Wh lesban now?" Link was clergy very sad abot this. **(Zel, I could use some help here. Sonic: Sorry, Zelda's still recovering. Me: Novadammit.)**

"Becuz I raepd her" Samas said.

"Than u well dye!" He drawed his sord. **(Sonic: You know what's scary? Me: What? Sonic: This is what the real Link would actually do.)**

"No Link wen gayz and lesbans have sax they charg up with the powar of Satin and Barak Ovama! There 2 powarful rite now!" Ike sad.** (Sonic: …What? Me: I know. Have fun with this.)**

Samas and Zelda gut outta Zeldas bed and rane at us. Lukly Lauren brot a crust which she hald up so that the lesbans hissed and backed away and we 4 Christens cold escap.

Later we went on anotter doble date 2 chikfela. Link was sad that his frend Zelda was an evul lesban now so we all chered him up bye goin 2 the movie he wanted 2 see afterword.** (Sonic: This girl doesn't know ANYTHING about Smashverse. Me: Yeah, and what's worse, she put Cloud Strife and Master Chief in this fic too. Sonic: …Who? Me: *Facepalm*)**

The next day Link and I wer walking down the jhall wen Zelda bloked ar path. She had her hare cute vary short and wasnt wering makup anymor and was wereing a plad flanel shirt and paints insteed of a dress. **(This must be what she assumes all lesbians do.)**

"DONT RAP ME ZELDA!" I sade.** (Zelda must have taken after Samus and became a rapper too. Sonic: Wait. Samus raps? Me: In the insanity of this story, yes. In the actually Smashverse, I doubt it. Sonic: Damn…)**

"Im nut her 4 u thes tim Sexay Sara" Zelda sed.

"Than why r u here?" I said.

"Link as u no im the princess of Hirole so I mad a new law" she said "STRAITNESS IS NOW ILLEGAL! U WILL HAV 2 MARRY GANANDORF OR GOTO PRISAN!" **(Oh crap. THE NON-EXISTANT HORROR!**

I gasped! How wode Link and I fine or way outta this one! **(You won't because I'll bring in MORE AND MORE Smashers to murder you. Sonic: Can you bring in Blaze? Me: Well, I've been planning to, so yeah. Sonic: WOO HOO!)**

…**And end chapter. Damn. **

**Sonic: Agreed. At least I'M not in this story!**

**Uh…Heh heh, yeahhhh, about that…**

**Sonic: Damn it.**

**Wells, until next time! -Light**


	10. Chapter 10

**NYAAAAA, I STILL HAVEN'T GOT POKEMON X YET. I CAN'T WAIT MUCH LONGER. HURRY IT UP, MONEY, GET HERE!**

**Well Unova wasn't so bad last Generation, and it WAS inspired by New York! Not to mention it has tons of fun places, like Relic Castle! Which consists of two broken towers! And is filled with Yamasks and Cofagriguses. Which are former humans. And like I said before, Relic Castle consists of TWO BROKEN, BURNED TOWERS…**

…

…**YOU SICK BASTARDS! WHAT THE JAYDES, GAME FREAK?!**

**LETS JUST START SO I CAN WRITE AN ANGRY LETTER TO GAME FREAK.**

Thank u 2 everone who gave good revews. And all the athist libruls who say bad thins need 2 stop dong thet **(YOUR HEAD IS GOING ON A PIKE IN MY FRONT YARD, SARA.)**. Im relly excite agen becuz Lauren is coming 2 my jhous for new yatrs **(New what?)**. Its alweys relly fun wen im with her and I fel relly good. She is my BFF forever and I adorn her with every fibber of my bean. ** (Oooh, NEW YEARS…Me thinks Sara's a little early for New Years, don't you think?)**

CHAP 10: LINK RENONCES HIS CITZENSHAP** (I'll call Farore.)**

"NO I WILL NOT MARRY GANENDORF!" Link sed. **(JAYDES YEAH BECAUSE YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH-*Gets murdered by all non Link X Zelda Shippers*)**

"Than yule go 2 prism!"** (That actually sounds like a really pretty place. I WANNA GO TO PRISM!)** Zelda said "the weddings 2marow so be their. I ned 2 go to Hom Depo **(Why you hatin on Home Depot?!)** with my girlfren Samas now tho so im leving."

Zelda blowed me a kiss and than she laffed evully and than she left. **(SOMEBODY BETTER CALL GHIRAHIM, HIS POSITION AS THE CREEPIST PERSON IN ZELDA GAMES HAS BEEN USURPED.)**

"wat shuld we do!" I said.

"well im not gonna marry Ganandarf!" Link sad "I luv u so much! **(HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!)** And im not gay and nether r u."

"rite" I new Link wasnt gay and even mor then that I new I wasnt a lesban. If any yall think ima lesban then I shuld let u no im 100 percant not and nether is Lauren. **(…..DE-NI-AL.)**

Since I was alredy thinking abot Lauren I new we shuld ask her wat 2 do now.

"why dosnt Link just renonc his Hirole citzenshap" Lauren sed wen we fond her. **(HE ALREADY DID AT THE BEGINNING OF THIS HORROR, WHEN YOU SAID HE WAS CHRISTIAN. And you know, I don't even think she HESITATED when Marth went gay to zoom over to Link's side. Hm. Odd.)**

"Gud idea" I sad.

"It hirts me 2 do this becuz im saposed 2 be the protractor of hirole **(YES BUT YOU'RE DOING A HORRIBLE JOB OF IT RIGHT NOW, NOT PROTECTING YOUR PRINCESS AND STAYING BY HER SIDE AT ALL TIMES, LINK. FARORE GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!)**" Link said "but noting can protract them from Gods devin wreath now that theres so much gayness their" **(…INCORRECT, YOU CAN, YOU HAVE THE FRICKEN MASTER SWORD, THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN'T DO. Well except be a god. Nobody can do that.)**

"ok so that saddles that" I sade "but we ned 2 do sumthin abot all thes gays and lesbans in the manshon."

"I no wecan rappel them with a kriss **(YOU BETTER NOT PUT YOUR LIPS ON SONIC, MISSY. OR ELSE. OR ELSE I'LL…UH…I DUNNO, SIC A THOUSAND CHARMY BEES ON YOU! Wait, that can actually work…)**. But thats only a temprary soluble becuz if any Christens r cot with there gard don theyll be rap in2 mor gays and lesbans" Lauren sed. **(Shhhhhuuuuuuuttttttt uuuuuuuupppppppp.)**

"I wish makin people strait Christens was that easy!" I said.

"If it was that easy God wodnt have 2 sand u" Link said. **(Imma go murder the author now kay bye.)**

We gathered a mating of all the remaning Christen Consertatives in the Manshon. Everbuddy got a buncha mor crasses. Than we all mad sure 2 lack r dors and widows at nit so no 1 cold brake in and rap us wile we slep (thats wen Samas got Zelda. She want 2 bed a Strat Christen Consarvetav and waked up a lesban athist librul). We new we had 2 prepar 4 whatever Satin and Osbama had plened. It was prolly sumtrhinh vary evul. **(STOP. NOVADAMMIT.)**

Wen Zalda and Samas got back frum the manshon we told her that Link was renoncing his citzenshape.

"I excepted this" Zelda sad "so I writed up anotter marrege cirtefikat. Now Ton Link must marry Ganindalf." **(WHAT.)**

"NO HES MY BRUTHER!" Link said. **(NO HE ISN'T BUT WHAT.)**

"Its 2 late. Hes not old enuf 2 renunce his citzenshop and I declard myslef his legel garden so I wont do it 4 him. The wadding is 2morow and theres noting u can do 2 stop it." **(YOU SICK BASTARD! BURN IN HELL, SARA OSBOURNE, BURN. IN. HELL. I HOPE YOU CATCH THAT DISEASE THAT KILLED OFF THE HARRY POTTER LOOKALIKE FROM YESTERDAYS THE WALKING DEAD.)**

Zelda blowed me a kiss and walked away.

"We ned 2 stap this weeding!" I sed.

"I no!" Link sid. **(You don't want to?)**

We gathered the Christens 2getter to thank up a plane. **(IDEAL PLAN: KILL OFF SARA AND LAUREN, BRING BACK SANITY TO THIS FIC AND CHANGE GANONDORK WITH TETRA. PROBLEM SOLVED!)**

**And it just ends there. Well, time to write an angry letter to Game Freak! Have fun, kiddies! Oh, and for those of you didn't know what I was implying back at the start with Relic Castle, look up the date September Ninth 2001 on Google. You'll see. -Light**


	11. Chapter 11

**Ack, SOOO worn out today…Well, okay, playing Brawl and Sonic Unleashed all day isn't that exhausting, but it is when you HATE HATE HATE Amy. It can really be exhausting if you launch into an hour rage rant against her. (Y'know, I really should get around to beating my copy of Sonic Colors for Wii, after all, I've already beaten my DS copy…)**

**So, school tomorrow, none today. I'll try the best I can to update on time. In the meantime, enjoy hating this chapter.**

**Oh, and also, those who wish to join in murdering the author of this abomination are more than welcome. LET'S-A GO! (Also, listening to the new Avril Lavigne while I write this. NovaDAMN that is a beautiful song. *Cries*)**

Why dose everone think ima lesban? How meny tims do I hav to say im not a lesban IMA CHRISTEN **(LIAR.)**! Lauren and I r jus frends and noting has EVAR happen like that **(Uh huh, RIIIIIIGHT.)**. Lauren is a pretty girl but I dont like girls that wat and nether dos she **(LIAR LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE.)**. I hed 2 tak a brake frum riting becuz I was so hurt by ur acualizations. **(…Ha, ha ha, AHAHAHAHAHA! HURT YOUR FEELINGS?! YEAH, RIGHT!)**

CHAP 11: TEH WADDING **(RAGE QUIT, RAGE QUIT, RAGE QUIT!)**

The next day wuz the weeding betwin Tone Link and Ganondalf **(Gandalf what has happened to you.)**. It was in the tempo of tim in hirole **(…Toony's Hyrule is GONE, Sara. Ganondork DIED. HOW can they be in Hyrule? And if I remember correctly, isn't the Temple of Time in Twilight Princess just a bunch of ruins? HOW is that romantic in your sick and twisted mind?)**. All of the Christens wer their becuz Poon Link neded molar support **(Oh, phew, I thought it was a wedding, not a dentist appointment!)**. Also we wer gonna stap the weding **(YES WE HEARD.)**. Gangnamdorf **(…*Facepalm* Wait a minute WAIT A MINUTE… GANGNAMdorf…OPPAN GANGNAM STYLE! XD)** was alredy gay so he was wering a weding dress with a wite vale **(…Pfft! SOMEONE DRAW ME THIS IMMEDIATELY! XD)** and Bozor was waking him don the isle. Ton Lenk was wering a taxemo. Ther was a athist pastor **(HOW IN THE NAME OF THE GODDESSES are there Atheist priests?!) ** wading at the alter. I wor a nice dress **(…No comment.)** but not my best one becuz I didnt aprov of the weeding **(…STILL no comment.)**. Lauren loked relly petty but I didnt want 2 kiss her becuz im not a lesban. **(…A ZILLION comments about how she keeps denaying this when it's obviously true.)**

Wen Gandalf **(SHE ACTUALLY SPELLED IT LIKE THAT. I'M THINKING THAT IT'S INTENTIONAL, WHAT DO YOU THINK?!)** retched the alter the athist pastor began taking. **(YOU SHALL NOT PASS!)**

"Were gathared her 2day 2 jon thes 2 in Unholy **(…)** mantramoney. If any1 objects 2 this onion speck now or forevar hold ur piece" the athist pastor sed.

I pulled out ny dads shitgun and shat the athist pastor. He dyed insanely. **(Priest: ALGNBGKGR *Spazzes on the ground for a while before dying*…XD And it's SPEAKING, SARA, NOT SHOOTING PEOPLE WITH A SHITGUN, WHATEVER THE JAYDES THAT IS.) **

"No! Ur failing my plane!" Zelda sed. **(Sara's reality plane: Wheeeeee! *Crashes into a mountain*)**

Suddenly everyone pulled out there wepons and Link runned over and garbed his brother **(ONCE AGAIN, NOT HIS BROTHER.)** away from Ganandorf. All the normel people wer ejaculated out of the tempal of tim wile the Christen smashers including Lauren and me strayed 2 fite the libruls.

It was the greetest battal I evar fot in **(That's nice, now bring in Blaze to burn this story to ashes before it gets any worse.**. Lauren and me killed like a lot of gays and lesbans that began poring in wen we stapped the weding. Link was fiting Gamondirf. **(WAIT, I CAN WRITE THIS PART. GIMMIE THAT PEN, NOVADAMMIT.)**

**Then suddenly a fireball came out of nowhere and burnt Sara and Lauren to death. Blaze stolled in and blew the smoke off her hands, everyone cheering.**

**(…NOVA, IF ONLY.)**

"ho dar u stap my wedding Link!" Ganandarf sad. He punked Link reptadetly. Then he kiked Link with his hi hells. I new I had 2 sav my bofrend **(Sonic: Ugh…No more… Me: Oh hey Sonic when did you get here? Sonic: Five seconds ago.)**. I shat Ganpndorf with my dads shitgun but it didnt kill him becuz he has like magic powars and stuff **(Sonic: You know, if Sara died here and now, I think this story would actually get more views. Me: Yeah, the fandom would rejoice, like when you were announced for Brawl! Sonic: Oh come on, it wasn't THAT big of a deal. Me: You kidding me? IT WAS SO AWESOME THE INTERNET EXPLODED. Sonic: So? Me: **_**TWICE**_**. Sonic: …*Sweatdrop*)**. It gut his atention tho and he runned over to me and tred 2 fite me. I used my supper strenth 2 through him threw a wall and than shat him agen evan tho it still didnt do anythin. It was fun tho. **(No, what WOULD be fun is if we sacrificed this story to the Goddesses in a bonfire.)**

"U insolvent FOOL!" Ganandarf sed. He riped off his wedingf dress and ther was his armoire underneth. He flayed up into the are and fired a magic blust at me lik in the gam macarena of tim. I defrocked it bak at him. It hit him and he felled don. Than Lauren runned over and nocked him unconshus. I looked arond and sawed that all of the othar libruls were unconshus 2. R plane worked! We coldnt call the polite 2 arest the libruls becuz we wer in Hirole and Zelda was the riler and she was a lesban now so we just had 2 leve. Frist we returned 2 the Manshan and mad sure Toin Link was ok. Once we did that, Lauren and me went on a doble dat 2 chickfila with r boyfrends. We told everone ther abot the gay weding we stopped and their were hi fives al around. **(RRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! Sonic: Uh oh. *Gets the Jaydes out of there* Me: LIGHT ANGRY! LIGHT SMASH!)**

**Sonic: *Runs back quickly* Okay, I suggest you guys get out of here as fast as possible, because when Light gets angry, it isn't very pretty.**

**DEEEEEEEAAAAAATTTTTTHHHHHH!**

**Sonic: Crap. RUN! *Runs for it***

**RRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGG GGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH! –Light**


	12. Chapter 12

**AGGGGGHHHHH. Dad's expecting calls from some people, so I only have like fifteen minutes on the computer. I must be the only person in the world who still only has a dial-up computer as the only Internet accessible software in their house.**

**Now, before I start, I'd like to make a little comment reply to Alkali, who was so kind to point out that this is against the rules.**

**Now, I'm just gonna say it right here and now.**

**CU CAN BITE MY ASS ALL THEY WANT. IT'LL JUST GIVE ME ANOTHER REASON TO HATE EM.**

**Alkali, I've been pestered by Critics United ever since I posted my third (abandoned) story. They deleted it without a second glance. Come on CU, it had ONE little song lyric snuck in! They can ban me, PM me threats (Again), bite my ass all they want, but I'm not the little innocent writer girl I used to be.**

**Now hear me roar.**

**So, sorry to say this Alkali, but I'm not going to be stopping any time soon. The only reason I'll ever leave this fic is if I finish it, or if I'm dead in a ditch.**

**But trust me; your voice is not ignored. I'll take what you said into consideration.**

**Oh, and by the way Alkali, this story was already on here, but got so many hate comments it was deleted. The author never posted another story (Trust me; I looked up the author's username. 0 stories.), and I highly doubt they ever came back here again. Lots of people post deleted stories like this back on so people (Them included) can poke fun at it. None of us REALLY mean it, well, except the Fangirls. NEVER MESS WITH THE FANGIRLS. HEED MY WORDS, ALKALI. HEED THEM.**

**And don't worry, I'm not mad at you. I'm a lot like you, really. But if the author gets a little too persistent or messes with one of my friends…IT'S ON.**

**AND NOW, FOR CHAPTER TWELVE OF PURE CONCENTRADED HORROR ON A STICK!**

**Sonic: That didn't make any-**

**SHUT UP HEDGEHOG AND LET ME START.**

Why exectly dose everbuddy thank that Lauren an Me r lesbans? Iv sad like a thosand tims that we ant. Weve nevar hed sax! We both were makup and put efirt in r hare and dont try 2 lok manely and r relly pretty and the 1 tim my dad tok me to hom depo I thot it was boaring and hatted it their! Lauren had 2 comfart me (NAT WITH LESBAN SAX!) wen I telled her ur lyes abot us! STAP LAYING YALL! **(AAAGGGGHHHH! OH NOVA, SOMEONE GOUGE OUT MY EYES! I FORGOT HOW BAD THIS WAS ARRRGGGHHHH! AGGGGHHHH! MY EYES!)**

CHAP 12: THE 4 HOARSEMANS **(The good news is, it's short like the rest of them!)**

It was a few dyas aftar the wreding and everone was still scarred form the experyance. Me and Lauren were waking don the hall han an han with R BOFRENS LONK AND ICK **(…Eh?)**. Wen we want passed one rome we herd voises cumin from inside. I opaned the door and saw sum TV screans that wer all showing the sam thin. In Subspas World, Barak Osama was talking 2 STAN HIMSLEF! **(STAN LEE?! OMINOVA, WHERE?!)**

"Zeldas atampt 2 mary Ton Link 2 Ganandorf falled!" Satin sad. **(Ooh, I love Satin! So velvety and smooth…*Fantasy fantasy fantasy*)**

"I no! It wasnt my falt! It was Jorge W. Boshs falt **(…)** (becuz Ubama alwas blams Bosh 4 his fallures **(…And HOW do you know this? What, you send a spycam into the White House and non-chalantly tell your friends 'Oh, well I gotta go, it's time to go spy on Barack Obama in the White House!')**)" Bork Ogama said.

"Its tim we sumun r ultamet wepons! The 4 wurst comanasts in all of histary! The 4 hoarsemans of the alpacalips jus liek in the Bibal!" Satin said. **(Sooo, you want Death, War, Famine and Pestilence to get their asses up and over there? I highly doubt that would help. It WOULD kill off all of humanity, though!)**

Satin opaned a porthole an the four mos terble comanists in allof histary came on at a tim. The firts comanst was Adulf Hitlur **(…I'm guessing it's Death in disguise?)**. He was the presadent of Germeny during one of those world war thins. He was a leftwang excrement who killed consertatives in conservation camps. Wen America defeeted him he channed the nam of Germeny 2 the Saviet Onion and fot us agen in the coald war. **(…WHAT? This girl is worse at history than writing. That is NOT what happened. *Starts rattling off* Sonic: *Plugs ears* Tell me when she's done.)**

The naxt comanast came out dong the Ganon Style dance **(…I had it coming. I just HAD to reference it last chapter, DIDN'T I?!)**. He was Charmen Moa **(…Who? Maybe War in disguise?)**. Charmans Mow was the presadent of Asia 4 awile. First he boned perl habor so we nuked him than he chaned his nam 2 Charlie 4 sum resin and fot my grandpa in Vetnam. Wen he did his lesban dotter Kimmy Jonquil tok ovar as presadent but than she died 2 recantly I thenk. **(…HUH?)**

The next comanst was King Jorge the Thard **(…I'm not even sure anymore.)**. Like I sad erlier he was the resin that socar is called fotbal in Britishland **(WHY doesn't she just say Britain or England? WHY?!)** so that reel fotball dosent get plaid their. Also he was the king of british two thosand yers ago wen Jesas and Jorge Wussinton teemed up 2 fond America. King Jorge crusifed Jesas but than Jorge Wasinton killed him 2 make America free and becam the first presadent. **(…Jesus and…George Washington and…King George the Third did…AAAAAAAAAAAAA!)**

The last comanast was sumon I new very wall. It was MR JONSON **(…*Facepalm* Isn't he dead or something?)**! Mr Jonson is my sinance teccer**(WE KNOW. And someone should REALLY give me this guy's Email so I can send him this.)** and hes an athist who trys 2 shave evilusion don r throts **(I highly doubt this.)**. Also hes givin Becky **(Who?)** a beter grad in his clas prolly becuz shes an athist 2 and a lesban (she sad shes a femanast wich is the sam thin) **(No, literally, who's Becky?)**. Hes the wurst teecher evar.

"Gesunhate ("Hello" in Germen **(INCORRECT.)**) Lord Satin!" Hitlur sad.

"Konichywa ("Hello" in Asian **(I DUNNO ABOUT THIS, BUT STILL.)**) Lord Satin!" Charmans Moo said.

"Ello guvnuh. Bluddy hall, u wankar **(…My best friend Jessica is British, so I'm taking this as an offense. SCREW. YOU.)**! (thats how they talk in Britishland **(DEATH, PAIN, MISERY, AGONY, DESTRUCTION…Okay I'm done.)**)" King Jorge said.

"Hello my Master Lord Satin!" Mr Jonson said.

I new that all of us Christens wer in sirius treble **(YOU KEEP MENTIONING TREBLE BUT HE NEVER SHOWS. I WANT TREBLE!)** if we had 2 fite thes 4 comanasts. I returned 2 my room 2 prey to God that I cold defeet them wen they showed up.

**ARRRRGGGGGHHH. I do not know how I'm going to get through this. Hey Sonic, you were pretty quiet, is everything okay?**

**Sonic: *Gone***

…**Where'd he go?-Light**


	13. Chapter 13

**My Nova, how long has it been since I did this? *Checks* Huh. Nearly a full month? I was kind of expecting two months, to be honest. Anyways, I got sorta distracted (Writer's Block didn't really help that much) with important stuff (Making a Masky Costume for Halloween, school, Dad working on getting us a new house).**

…**And not so important stuff (Playing Sonic Unleashed, playing Sonic Colors, playing Sonic and the Black Knight ((Got it on November first along with Sonic Lost World)), playing Sonic Lost World, playing LoZ Twilight Princess ((AGAIN. Luckily I found a guidebook at Comic Con.)), PLAYING VIDEO GAMES IN GENERAL).**

**Luckily, getting new games means one thing for me.**

**More music to endure this abomination.**

**And since this next chapter is short, that means something bad will probably happen.**

**GREAT. WHOOP DEE DOO.**

…**Just scroll down and read. BUT, BEFORE THIS, I'd better start the music. Thank Nova Sega made so many remixes for Sonic Gen. *Starts playing Green Hill Modern Remix***

Sum of u libruls r gettin upsat abot the TRUTH in my storey **(LIAR! THERE IS NO TRUTH IN THIS STORY EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT YOU SUCK AT WRITING!)**. Yall say Yall wil do bad thins 2 me if I post chaptar 13 **(Dear Gosh, PLEASE HAVE MADE THOSE PEOPLE MURDER HER!)**? Well, fin. THEIR IS NO CHAPTAR 13! **(…This is just…WHY THE SACRED REALM.)**  
Also my KRISSmes brake is ovar now so im beck in scol **(Nyah nyah.)**. That mens im in Mr Jonsons class agen and he alredy sed that Becky was rite abot sumthin wen she razed her hand and ansared a questan **(Well, duh, why do you think this is bad? SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE RIGHT OR WRONG, SARA YOU FRIGGIN-No, you know what, I'm only going to go there at the very end.)**(She sad that humens wer in the primat ordar OFF COARSE MR JONSON WUD THANK THATS RITE **(Someone should REALLY find this guy and E-mail him this story. Then they should find Sara and make her read what she has written. Or, even better, make her read Celebrian. THAT'LL scar her for life ((Thank Nayru I haven't read it. I've heard about how scarring it is from my cousin, and I swore I would never read it.)).)**) but sed I was ron wen I ansared a difrant questan **(Once again, people are wrong sometimes. DEAL WITH IT.)** (I sed that see spanges are pants** (Someone's been watching too much Spongebob.)** but Mr Jonson sed they were anemals. I men he evan brot a ded on into class 2 sho us and it CLERGY wasnt an enemal **(…What?)**) latter. LIBRUL BYASS!

CHAP 14: THEIR IS NO CHAP 13 **(SHUT THE FRIGGIN SACRED REALM UP!)**

I was scarred abot the four hoarsemans cumin 2 get me wile I slapped **(Yesssss. But let's replace 'Slapped' with 'Viciously murdered and threw her body into the river'.) **. Lauren and I had 2 take turds **(Eeeewww…)** been awake so that noone culd snek upon is. Lauren was relly pritty wen she sleped but I didnt kiss her on the lips becuz that is what lesbans do and im not a lesban **(My Nova, will she stop with the denial already? WE ALL KNOW YOU'RE LESBO, SARA. NO NEED TO KEEP DENYING THIS FACT.)**. Also noone snacked upon us that nite. **(Uh, I would guess Kirby AT LEAST raided the fridge while you weren't looking.)**

**(…He stole my cookie from right in front of me once.)**

The naxt day I was lissening 2 Rash Limbag on the radio with Lauren and Lank and Oak **(Prof Oak? Sorry, but I don't think you were hanging out with a senile professor who can't even remember the Novadamn gender of a kid he's known for years and watched grow up.) ** and I reelized wat the for hoarsemans were dong last nite.

"Today acorn rugged the electron in Germeny so that Adolg Hetlure is now there presadent agen. They also riged it in Asia so that Mosey Dong is now presadent of Asia agen to. And they also got King Jorge the Thud electred King of Britainland **(STOP CALLING IT 'BRITAINLAND' NOVADAMN IT.)** agen by latting Mikey Moose **(Who?)** vote. Also Mr Jonson is now the principle of my frend Saras scool in Soth Caralena becuz Obaba premoted him **(…SCERW IT, I QUI-Ooh, 'Endless Possibility' Sonic Unleashed Trailer Remix! Let me just put this on repeat and keep writing.)**. He also fired all the good Christen teechers and replaced them with otter athists like Charls Darwen and Ricard Dawkans and Lennon **(As in JOHN Lennon? Isn't he a guy from The Beatles or something? WHAT THE GLOB, SARA?!)** and Clare Marx and his bruthers," Russ Limbog said.

"Ono!" I said. Not onley was Barak Ovary **(Heh heh heh wait a minute THAT'S NOT FUNNY WHAT HAPPENED TO MEEEEEE?!)** the dictater of America and Zelda was the rular of Hirol **(…DO. YOUR. RESEARCH. SHE'S A FRIGGIN PRINCESS AND WAS ALREADY RULER OF HYRULE DEATH WILL COME SLOWWWW FOR YOU SARA.)** but now Germeny and Asia and British and My Scule were also ran by evul pepole. I wasb afeared that evantully the entare world wod be run by comanism. **(Find my happy, place, find my happy place…)**

"We shud tell the otter Christens in the Manshan" Kink sad. **(O_O HAPPY PLACE HAPPY PLACE WHERE ARE YOU I NEED YOU?!)**

"No they must of alredy lassened 2 Rosh tell it" Lauren sed. I new she was rite.

"But we ned 2 do sumthin" Ick sed.

"I no" I sed "but we cant do anythin rite now becuz were all the way in Nentendor World **(Ohhhhh, how I thank Nova for not making Sara a Sonic Fan. Then I'd have to get THE ZOMBIE SHOVEL AND MURDER HER.)** and their in the reel world. Its not essay 2 go betwin them I neded God himself 2 do it."

So we want 2 Chikfela **(Sensing a theme here.)** agen to help fite the gay ajenda. We culled the otter Christens their so we had a huge meting 2 discus. We were all relly scarred by what happaned that day. We neded a plane for what 2 do but it was hard becuz of how far awey the reel world was from Nintando World **(Well it didn't really seem to take long for you to get there in the first place, Sara-Ooh, there's my happy place! And it's filled with Chaos and Pepsi! I'M COMING, HAPPY PLACE!)**. We preyed 2 God 2 show us the whey becuz we didnt no wat 2 do. God sant us a massage. **(…Oh, great, as if it wasn't bad in the first place, but now she's getting a massage from God.)**

"Dont wory" God sed "u dont have 2 go to them theyll cum 2 u evantully. I no becuz im God and I no everthin thatll evar happen. U just ned 2 trane so that u can bet them." **(JUST. SHUT. UP.)**

**Luckily, it ends right there. Yay.**

**I don't know about you guys, but I have a baddddd feeling about next chapter. And also, I AM NEVER TURNING THIS ENDLESS POSSIBILITY REMIX OFF. IT IS AWESOME. I'M NEVER GOING TO FORGET IT. **_**NEVER**_**. -Light**


	14. Chapter 14

**I think I've recovered enough now to do a quick chapter before going to play some Sonic Whatever.**

**So, I'll just put on a song from Sonic Rush and think Sonaze-y thoughts until this is over.**

**Let's begin.**

My parants r so STUPED. **(Well well, who's daddy's little angel NOW, Sara. I'm serious, somebody find all the people who she badmouths, E-mail and let me E-mail this to them.)** Laurens birthdey is on Janary 26 and then Velantens Day is on Febrary 14 **(So? Just buy her a present, it isn't like you have boyfriends for Valentines anyways.)**. And my parants onely gave me $1000 for both togetter **(*Spit take* ONE THOUSAND-THAT'S MORE THAN ENOUGH!)**. I wanted $1000 4 EECH **(YOU GREEDY SOD.)**! I cant by pore pepole close 2 Lauren she desarves mor then that **(NO SHE DOES NOT.)**. Shes tuning 14 (isnt it cul that my BFF is a yer oldar than me? **(A thirteen year old, huh? I expected as much. She acts like a stereotypical thirteen year old…Unfortunately, this means she's a year older than me. WEEP FOR OUR FUTURE, PEOPLE. WEEEEEP.)**) and shell be gong 2 hi scule next yare wile ill onley be in ate grad. Im afeared that Lauren well fine a new BFF in hi scule and forgat abot me. **(That's kind of inevitable Sara. It's like when one of my friends transferred school in Grade Three and by next year she didn't even remember my name. Thankfully I had Jasmin, Jess and Anna to fill that gap.)**

CHAP 14-2: THE FURST HOARSEMAN **(Can't you just say chapter fourteen like a normal person? Sonic: Agreed. Me: Well look who's back.)**

I was gong 2 anotter doble dat 2 Chikfela with Lauren and Lunk and Uke. We wer waking 2 the restarant wen suddanly we turd arond and the ANTIRE BRETISH MILTRY WAS SNEKING UP BEHIND US **(That's…Sorta humorous. How in the name of Nova did you NOT notice an entire army sneaking up behind you? Oh, wait, forgot about the whole Subspace thing.)**. They wer all in ther red cots and marking in strate roes with there muskrats and they had drummar boys to kep them marcing in rithum **(The odds of them sneaking up on people are more unlikely now.)**. They had cum outta nowere.

"Were gunna bloody kill u old chap" the genital in charg of the Britush miltary sed. **(…Genital?)**

"no u aint" I sade.

"yes we bloody r" the genital sad. **(That's, that's just…No.)**

"no u aint" I sid.

"YES TEHY BLOODY R U WANKARS!" sudanly I saw King Jorge the Thurd ranning up 2 us. **(Hello random person!)**

"Ono were undar ateck!" I sed. **(Well DUH!)**

Likn and Iek drewed there sords and Lauren and Me got in a fitting posse. **(Okay, I'll get to work fitting their mangled body parts into a coffin!)**

"BLOODY KILL THAM" Kin Jorge said.

"bloody ok" sade the genital and son like a millan muskats wer ponted at us **(I'm not even sure if people use those anymore.)**. We startad fitting the Bretosh Milatry lukly it taks a reel lon tim 2 relode a muskrat **(Well duh, Muskrats are animals, it would take a while to reload them.)**so we cold like stab them and punk them and stuff wile they wer buzy dong that. We mangered 2 beet alota them by dong that. Howevar their were 2 many of them **(Please die please die please die.)**. Sun it was clare that we were defeet. The Bratish luned us up in a row so they cold kil us by faring skwad. **(Die die DIE DAMMIT!)**

"bloody 3... bloody 2... bloody 1..." the genital sed. We tred 2 dog the bullats and Lauren and Ike mangaged 2 but I trepped and falled don **(YES! OH SWEET NOVA YES-)** so Link shelled me frum the muskat ballots. **-…W-well that's okay, because he had his shield, right?)** He was shat like a bajillian tims. **(…RIGHT?!)**

"I luv u Sara" Link sed. **(*Throws up*)**

"I luv u 2 Link becuz ur a guy and im strate" I repled **(*Starts to fake throwing up again until sees next sentence*)**. And than Link ded **(…)**. I was vary upsat abot this becuz he was my bofrend and I was vary attrected 2 him. **(… *Eye twitches*)**

"ILL KILL U ALL THE BRITASH MILATRY!" I sade. **(…*Thinks* NOBODY messes with Linky when I'm around. **_**NOBODY**_**.)**

"no u bloody wont" King Jorge said.

Than I stareted ranning firs and bronystone from hevan on the Britash Miltry.** (Sonic: Uh, Light? Light? Me: *Twitching in anger* Sonic: …I guess I'll have to do the comments for a while…Wait, why the Hell is it raining brimstone and fire?)**

"I say!" they solders sad as they were crashed or burst into flem. **(Sonic: Sooo, no explanation for the fire and brimstone falling from Heaven? Unless this persons version of Heaven is Hell…)**

"No now im bloody ded agen" King Jorge the Turd sad as I kelled him "but u wont stap the othar bloody 3 hoarsemans!"

Once King Jorge was ded the British didnt have 2 fit us anemore. **(Sonic: Uh, didn't they JUST kill their born-again king? Why SHOULDN'T that army kill the people?)**

"Your r bloody hero u wanker" they sed "bloody thank u Sara"

But I was stil sade abot Link been ded now. **(Sonic: WE GUESSED.)**

"Were all bloody sorry abot killing Link" the Britush genital sad "well halp u with the blody funarel." **(Sonic: Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't 'Bloody' used to express something BAD in Britain or England or whatever?)**

So the Britash Militry came bak 2 the Manshan with us so that they cold help with Links funarel wich was the naxt day. It was a vary sad day and wen it was don the Britesh Miltary left 2 return 2 Enguld becuz they neded 2 elect a new king agen. **(Sonic:…Sooo, just keep ignoring Queen Victoria and her son and his wife and their son?)**

I was still scurred frum ranning into King Jorge on the wey 2 Chikfela so that day me and Lauren and Ike and Clod (my new bofrend becuz Link was ded and Marth was stil gay) **(Sonic: Okay, so after your FIRST boyfriend turned gay, you zoomed over to Link's side, and now that he's dead, you zoom over to Cloud's side? Ladies and gentlemen, may I present the insanity of Mary Sue Logic.)** ordared piza delivary from Popa Jans (they hat Obamacar so there a gud plaec 2 eet 2) insted. **(…Sonic? Sonic: Oh, yeah Light? Me: …My zombie shovel and an axe, please.)**

**The funeral was interrupted when a lady leapt in and began to hit Lauren on the head with an axe. After finishing with her, the girl pulled out a shovel that appeared to be covered with zombie guts and began to hit Sara on the head with it repeatedly. After finishing, she wiped some of the blood off her face and spat on Sara's body. "NEVER mess with Link on my watch, Bitch. OR ELSE." she said, walking away. **

**(…That is a good explanation of what I want to do to her right now.)**

**The chapter ends there. Think Sonaze-y thoughts Light, Sonaze-y thoughts…**

**But I must look on the bright side of things, as always.**

**Link no longer has to endure this suffering. He is free. Happy place, happy place, happy place…Screw it, that isn't going to help right now. I'm just gonna see if I can play some Sonic Rush or something. -Light**


	15. Chapter 15

**Welp, now I've got another busy week. French project (I go to a French-English school, so I learn Canadian French every day.) with a guy who IS NO HELP AT ALL, Book Order due Wednesday, going out for lunch Thursday or Wednesday and finally Field Trip on Friday to watch a movie. As if I hadn't already made plans with Jasmin to go to school for a half a day then go see Catching Fire when it comes out…And now, of course, Nintendo HAD to Troll me again (First time was when they decided to release Kid Icarus Uprising ONE FRIGGIN DAY AFTER MY BIRTHDAY) by releasing A Link Between Worlds on THAT. SAME. DAY.**

**Now, Warrior Kitty and Frost Dragon were very upset that Sara killed off Link last chapter, so I'm upgrading him to join the Commentary Crew for this chapter! And also probably on Friday to celebrate A Link Between Worlds, his first 3DS game that ISN'T a remastered version of Ocarina of Time!*Confetti***

**Link: …**

**Sonic: …Is THAT what we're calling ourselves now?**

**YES. Now, let's begin! *Cuddles Toon Link Plushie* I need all the support I can get…**

U libruls ned 2 stop atecking my storey. Everthin init is a thosand percant troo **(Blasphemy. If it was true, the world would have explodonated by now. Link: Explodo-what? Me: A combination of 'Exploded' and 'Detonated'.)** and I stil dont no wy everone think ima lesban. IM NOT A LESBAN PEPUL! **(PURE BLASPHEMY!)**

CHAP 15: EVUL CLON SARA **(You know, you really shouldn't spoil important plot points in the chapter title. Kind of ruins it for the readers. Sonic: What readers? Me: …True.)**  
A few deys aftar Oinks deth **(Link: WAIT WAIT WAIT, I was murdered? Me: Yeah. Technically by Sara. Link: …I'm gonna kill her. Sonic: Get in line.)** I was wakking threw the Manshan with Lauren and Clod and Uke. I wkald past the room wuth the TV scrans that shood us wen Satin and Omaba brot the for hoarsemans. **(Why are there convenient cameras that are focused on Subspace in the Mansion? Link: Troll Logic. Can't figure out why, don't care enough to do so.)**Their was taking frum insid it agen so I opaned the dore agen and saw that it was stil shoing Subspas World with Obummer (Haha!) **(Me, Sonic and Link: IT ISN'T FUNNY.)** and Satin.  
"King Jorge is ded agen" Satin sad.  
"OMG that sux" Obaja sed.  
"I no" Satin sid "nao theres onley 3 hoarsemans and whatif Lauren an Sara an all those oter pepole kill them 2" **(Well, then you're screwed. Simple as that.)**  
"Dont wary my mastars!" Mr Jonson came into The Room. **(What room?)**  
"u have a plane Mr Jonson" Ona,a saod. **(What do they need a plane for, exactly?)**  
"Yes" suddanly I WALK IN SUMHOW EVAN THO I WASNT THEIR! **(*False shock* Oh no, who could this be, some kind of Evil Clone perhaps? *Rolls eyes* YOU SPOILED IT. YOU SEE, NOW THE VIEWERS KNOW EXACTLY WHO THIS PERSON IS.)**  
"ONO ITS SARA!" Satin and Obana pupped their paints. **(Link and Sonic: … *Facepalm* Me: Uh…I don't really think Satan wears pants…)**  
"No thes is a clon of Sara" **(DUH!)** Mr Jonson sed "I mad her in my siense clasrom with the halp of my favortest stoodant."  
Suddanly Becky waked in The Room. **(Oh, so now your bringing her into this? The girl who you bitch about so often? Yeah, way to keep things subtle, Sara.)** Becky is relly stooped but thinks shes so smart becuz she wares glases and gets relly gud grads **(…*Runs off crying* I'M NOT STUPID JUST BECAUSE I WEAR GLASSES AND GET GOOD GRADES! Sonic: Argh, dammit Light, get back here!** **Link: The good grades part actually cancels the stupid part. Way to be an oxyMORON, Sara. Sonic: …That was a terrible joke, Link.)**and stuff but shes an athist and a librul and a "femanast" wich relly mens shes a lesban my dad sed wen I aked him wat a femanast **(Link: Well then, your Dad's an oxyMORON too! Sonic: Seriously Link, stop that. It's not funny.) ** was also she has lotsa zots and acme on her fase **(Hey guys I'm back-*Sees sentence and runs off crying again* Sonic: Dammit Light, stop that!)** and shes relly fat to I men I sawd her bying a SIEZ 6 pans frum Targat (lol shes so pore and morbadly obase **(Link: Everyone who agrees that Sara is probably an evil Bitch in real life raise your hand. *Raises hand* Sonic: *Raises hand* That goes for you reviewers too. Me: *Still sobbing, raises hand*)**) I dont lik her at all!** (WE KNOW.)**  
"This clon is exectly like Sara EXPECT SHES A LESBAN!" Becky sed. **(Yep, I guessed that.)**  
"How didu maek that hapen" Satin sed.  
"First we mad a normel clon of Sara and than Becky rapped her" Mr Jonson sad. **(Since she always misspells it as rapped, I keep picturing the person in question to burst out rapping. It helps.)**  
"Iv alweys ben jelus of Sara becuz shes so much pritter and smartar than me and I hav an obveus lesban crush on her so it was fun 2 rap her clon" Becky sid. **(Author appeal, anyone?)**  
"Can I go kill the reel Sara **(*Ears perk up* What's this about killing Sara? Sonic and Link: *Both lean in* We're listening…)** and than rap Lauren and have a treesam with her an Becky now" Evul Clon Sara sed.  
"No u dont hav Reel Saras God Powars since I got her ganetics b4 that hapend so u cant kill her u ned 2 rap her into a lesban 2 so that shell turn into an evul lesban and use Gods on powars agenst him" Mr Jonson sid. **(Damn, I was gonna loan her my zombie shovel to get the job done. Sonic: We can still pretend kill her at the end of this chapter, right? Me: Of course.)**  
"Ok" Evul Clon Sara sed "than well have a lesban 4 way aftar I rap my good verson and Lauren"  
"Thats the sperit" Obaba seid.  
"I luv u Evil Clon Sara" Becky sed than she and my evul clon startad makin ot wich was DIGUSING becuz evan if I was a lesban WICH IM NOT **(LIEEEEEESSSSS.)** id dat Lauren becuz shes so pritty and Becky is so uglay. But im not a lesban so I wan 2 dat duds not ether of them evan tho Lauren is my BFF and shes so pritty and I luv her in a frend way not in a romentic 1 becuz im not a lesban. **(Wow, two times in one paragraph. New record and more evidence.)**  
"OK Evul Clon Sara sinc u dont have Saras God Powars Lord Satin and I will giv u ars" Barock Obema sed.  
So than Omaha and Satin gav Evul Clon Sara there powars. **(Whatttt? I thought it was Santa's powers. What a rip.)**  
"Now go 2 the Smash Manshon and rap Lauren and the reel Sara!" Satin sed.  
"I cant wate until thos 2 r lesbans 2" Evul Clon Sara sed "I will hav so much lesban sax with Lauren wen shes a lesban." **(Sax? Well, okay. *Throws a saxophone at Evil Clone Sara's ((Who will now be known as ECS)) head*)**  
I new that my clon was NOTING LIEK ME AT ALL **(UNTRUEEEEEE.)** wen she sad that becuz im not a lesban Lauren is my BFF not my luver. **(Would you like to do the honors, Sonic? Sonic: Thank you.)**

**However, Sara didn't look behind her before she left, for three VERY angry people stood in the doorway. Sonic the Hedgehog, Link the Hero of Twilight and Light the Author stood with their arms crossed, glaring at the blatant Mary Sue. "Go ahead Sonic." said Light, whose scowl turned into an evil smirk.**

"**With pleasure." said Sonic, walking up to Sara.**

"**Oh, hi Sonic! I thought I saw you down the hall and-OMG, LINK! You came back!" said Sara, starting to run towards Link but was tripped by Sonic. "Hey, Sonic, like, what's the big idea?!" she said, looking up to the hedgehog. Instead of Sonic, however, she found herself staring into the claws and fangs of Werehog Sonic.**

"_**I'm gonna enjoy this.**_**" said Werehog Sonic, baring his fangs. He then began to slash Sara over and over again, not stopping even once.**

**Meanwhile, in the background, Link was sitting down on a chair while smirking. "Uh, Light, explain to me again how this is supposed to encourage Sonic?" he asked, turning towards the Author. She had put on a cheerleader costume and turned to face Link.**

"**I'm gonna cheer him on, what does it look like?" she replied, putting her hands on her hips.**

"**Well, no offense Light, but I'd see you in a Sonamy forum before I saw you in a cheerleading squad."**

"…**This is just gonna be a one time thing."**

"**Still not convinced."**

"…**I'll give you five hundred Rupees."**

"**Deal. I'm gonna go find Zelda and cure her from the Mary Sues grasp."**

"**Have fun." Light watched Link walk off to Zelda's room before starting to jump up and down. "Let's go Werehog, let's go! Let's go Werehog, let's go-Hey wait where'd he go?" Light looked around in confusion, seeing the mangled, barely alive figure of Sara trying to crawl away, but no Sonic.**

"_**Looking for me?**_**" Light jumped, turning to face Sonic. She hit him on the arm with her zombie shovel lightly.**

"**Don't do that! You already freaked out Kirby enough as it is, why to you have to include me in this suffering?!" she said. Sonic reverted back to his normal hedgehog form just in time to see Light finish the job by bashing Sara's head in with her zombie shovel. Just at that moment, Link walked in, just having freed Zelda from the Sue's influence.**

"**Ding dong, the Sue is dead!" the three sang, before Light was teleported back to her home, never having to deal with Sara again.**

**(…AWESOME.)**

**Well, I hope you all enjoyed that rather special redone ending. Until next time! -Light**


	16. Chapter 16

***Playing Sonic Lost World 3DS* JUMP DAMMIT, JUMP!**

**Link: *Walks in* What's she doing?**

**Sonic: Trying to beat Egghead on Sonic Lost World.**

**AAAAAAAA! GO LEFT GO LEFT GO LEFT!**

**Sonic: …And failing at it.**

**Link: Wait, didn't she already get to Eggman like, two weeks ago?**

**Sonic: Yeah. And she STILL hasn't figured out how to beat Egghead. It's actually pretty easy.**

**QUICK QUICK HOMING ATTACK!**

**Link: Isn't that going to do it?**

**Sonic: Wait for it…**

**WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?!**

**Sonic: There it is.**

**ARGH! I QUIT! *Puts 3DS on standby* Let's just start the chapter.**

U no wats relly funny? **(All: Not what you're about to say, that's for sure.)** I sed Becky wers a siz 6 paints in the lust chaptar but I checked her pints siez in jim class today and she acsholly weres a SIZ 8 now **(Sonic & Link: Girls do that? Me: *Blushes* GO PLAY SONIC COLORS ON THE WII U. *Pushes them out for a while*)**. Lol she git evan fattar **(BOOOOOO!)**. I wer a siz 2 in case ur wondaring. Im trying 2 get 2 a siez 0 lik Lauren. **(I doubt you could get to that size.)**

CHAP 16: EVUL CLON SARA CUMS 2 MANSHAN AND ALSO THE SECANT HOARSEMAN

The naxt day I was along outsid of the Manshan loking at all the flowars **(Ivysaur must've planted them. She is a grass type, after all.)** and stuff becuz they smolled like Lauren and were pritty liek her**(BUT OF COURSE SHE ISN'T LESBO, WHAT AN ABSRUD IDEA *Sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm*)** . It was all pacefel and stuf and I dident c aney dangar. I wuz on hi alurt tho becuz I new Evil Clon Sara wod cum 2 the Manshan son and I wantad 2 be reedy **(Yadda yadda yadda, we know she's gonna show up, you spoiled it again.) **. Butthan wen I luked arond agen I sawed MOSEY DONG THE SECANT HOARSEMAN and he was ridding Godzela **(GODZILA?! I have to question the reality in this fic. But it's Godzila so I'm not going to.)** and had a buncha samereyes and nunjas and otter asoan stuff with him. I was all along and scurred and I crayed for Lauren 2 cum sav me but she wasnt nier **(Nyah nyah!)** so I culled 4 my bofrend Clod but he wasnt their **(NYAH NYAH TIMES TWO!)** ether so I stated culling nams of allthe Christen smasers but I was al along. **(NYAH NYAH TIMES THIRTY!)**

"Noone is here to herp u" Charmen Moo sed. Than Gidzela rored. **(Godzila!)**

"Ono" I sed.

"Now Godzera **(Godzila!)** is gunna eet u" Cheerman Mow "but firsts I wir sand ar of thes sameris and ninjas to kir u"

"Please no" I sed. ** (Ooh, let me join in! Link & Sonic: *Both walk in again* Count us in!)**

"To rate. Rord Satin wir be vary preesed" Charming Moai sid.

Suddenly the sameris and nonjas atuked me so I hed to fit tham. I killed like a thosand of eech **(Blatent lies.)** b4 thay wer all defeet. Than Godzela **(All: GODZILA!)** attecked me buy tring 2 eet me an he wuz so hug that I coldnt beet him normely. So I hed 2 us my finale smosh and turd in2 a angle. I reined divyne furry on Gidzola and Mosay Dong as an angle and killed them both. **(…Godzila?)**

"u kirred me!" Charmin Mai sed as he dyed **(Didn't he ALREADY Die?)**. Godzula jus rored and falled ovar **(GODZILA, NO! YOU MONSTER! YOU MONS-WAIT. Maybe the Somersault works! *Goes back to playing Sonic Lost World* Link: Dammit Light! Sonic: The Somersault doesn't work, anyways.)**. I retuned 2 the insid of the Manshan and tolled Lauren and Clod and Ack and aney utter Christen smasgers I cold fine abot my fit with Mosey Dong an Gozala and the samires and the ningas. Wen I got 2 talling Maryo he wuz confised.

"Bat ho wer u outsid fitting Charmun Mos wen u war in her minuets ago" he sed. **(Uh oh.)**

"no I wusnt" I repled. **(I've got a baddddd feeling about this…)**

"ya u wer u wen in2 peeches rom 2 take 2 her alon" Maryo sed. **(*Jaw drops***

**FLASHBACK:**

"**NOOOOOOOO NOT SAMUS! TAKE PEACH INSTEAD!"**

**OH FRIGGIN JAYDES I JINXED IT! RUN PEACH, RUN!)**

"ONO THATS NOT ME THATS EVUL CLON SARA AND SHES A LESBAN SO PECH IS IN DANGAR!" I yeled.

"OMG thats turible" Maryo sed. **(He doesn't seem that concerned that his wife/girlfriend/princess ((I swear I saw a wedding ring on Peaches finger in her Super Mario Sunshine look!)) is about to be subjected to the Sue's insanity.)**

So Me and Maro runned 2 Pechas romo 2 trey 2 sav her frum Evul Clon Sara and we mat up with Lauren and Clod and Oke alon the wey. Wen we gut 2 The Room we opaned the dore and insid PAECH AND EVUL CLON SARA WER HAVIN LESBAN SAX! WE WER ALREDY 2 LAT!** (Link: …I say we make this next killing special. Me and Sonic: Agreed.)**

"Ono my gurlfren is a lesban now!" **(Okay, here she's his girlfriend. At least ONE good pairing was present before it was destroyed.)** Marui sed. Pach and Evul Clon Sara stapped having lesban sax and luked at us.

"hi good Sara... and Lauren" Evul Clon Sara stated aprochin Lauren deductivelay. **(Elementary, my dear Watson!)**

"Stey bak" Lauren puled ot her crass 2 repealed Evul Clon Sara an Peech.

"Lauren! I jus went 2 hav a forsam with u and Good Sara and Becky" Evul Clon Sara sed. **(Ewww…)**

"Ew Becky is so discussing!" Lauren sed "shes so fat and stooped." **(Shut the Phantump up.)**

"Ino but shes the resin ima lesban so im grateful 2 her" Evul Clon Sara sed.

"Wy wold u be grateful 4 the persan who mad u a bad persan whos gong 2 hell" I sed. **(Because people make their own choices, Sara. Y'know, I just got a good idea. Somebody should hack into Sara's account, then make their own chapter involving us killing Sara and post it! Like the My Immortal hacker!)**

"becuz im hapey that ima lesban" Evul Clon Sara sed.

"it dosnt matar ho hapy evul maks u ur stil evul and u wil be vary unhapy wen u dye and go2 hell 4 been a lesban" I sed.

"wel than ill mak u an Lauren jon me in hell" Evul Clon Sara sed.

"Lets ran outa her" Clod sed. So Lauren and Me and Maryo and Clod and Icke runned outa The Room lukily Peech and Evul Clon Sara want bak 2 lesban sax and didnt chas us. **(Seems like a waste. I mean, you COULD kill them there and now. Anyways, time for the next killing ending!)**

**Sara and Lauren turned down a hallway, losing their group. "Ike?! Cloud?! Mario?! Where are you guys?!" called out Lauren. Sara joined in with her until Light appeared in front of them again.**

"**Stupid Mary Sues…" she grumbled, crossing her arms.**

"**Eek! She's wearing a boys cap and shirt! She must be a lesbian!" screamed Lauren. Sara stepped protectively in front of Lauren.**

"**Hold on Lauren, I'll just channel my powers from God to save us." but before Sara could continue, Light snapped her fingers. Since she was the author at the moment, she easily took away Sara's powers and reduced her to a helpless girl. "W-what? No, my powers! I'm supposed to be…INVINCIBLE!"**

"**You may be a Mary Sue, but you're in MY story now. **_**I**_** control what you do. Because **_**I'm**_** the author around these parts!" said Light. Sara and Lauren cowered in fear as Light slowly approached.**

"**W-what are you going to do to us?" asked Lauren. Light chuckled.**

"**Me? Oh, nothing…" Sara and Lauren sighed with relief. "…But I do know three lovely ladies who want payback. Samus, Zelda, Peach, do your thing!" with those words, the three victims to the two Sues jumped out from the darkness and began to make them pay. Light let out an evil laugh and watched the carnage.**

**A few minutes later, Link and Sonic came looking for Light. Argh, where the Sacred Realm is she?" asked Link.**

"**I dunno, but I bet she's playing her game again. Said Sonic, sure enough, after a quick high five for the charred corpses of the Sues, they found Light sitting with her back up against a wall, trying once again to defeat Eggman.**

"**Damn it, DO A SOMERSAULT!"**

**Link: And, chapter end!**

***Crying in a corner* I'll NEVER defeat Eggman!**

**Sonic: … *Sighs and walks over to Light* Speed up, get the legs targeted, go right and jump, getting the left arm targeted, then jump left and get the head and the right arm targeted. Then press B.**

***Does so* AAAA! B, B, B! *Damages Eggman* YESSSSS! I KNOW HOW TO BEAT HIM! GET READY TO DIE, EGGMAN!**

**Link: *Sighs* She'll be done by next chapter. Until next time! –Link, Sonic and Light**


End file.
